


Safe Haven

by Flantastic



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Disability, End of the World, Gardens & Gardening, Gore, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mercy Killing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pandemics, Post-Apocalypse, Zombie Apocalypse, kind of, resentment towards disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25035454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flantastic/pseuds/Flantastic
Summary: "The world had ended and yet, somehow, a few of them had managed to carry on living..."A killer flu has swept the planet.  No-one is immune.  It has killed the majority of the residents of London and turned most of the survivors insane.  A lucky few remain relatively untouched but without their memories.James Bond is one of the lucky ones.  Holed up in the former MI6 building in Vauxhall with his partner Alec Trevelyan,  James has found a place in the new society there.  But then he meets a young man who threatens to turn his world upside down.
Relationships: Eve Moneypenny/Bill Tanner, James Bond/Alec Trevelyan, James Bond/Q
Comments: 45
Kudos: 129
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	1. Haven - part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Posted especially for the 2020 007 Fest, this fic will run to several chapters and, all being well, will be posted in full by the end of July.

The world had ended and yet, somehow, a few of them had managed to carry on living.

It had started in Russia. Rumours of an epidemic sweeping through the cities, thousands of photographs and videos on social media and official networks and then after less than a week, nothing. Not even TV or radio broadcasting anymore. It was if the country had screamed out before falling silent. Other countries quickly followed. Day after day, country after country dying, fading into blackness. It seemed that thousands of people were falling sick, dying… or worse. The British government only realised the full implications once the disease had already reached England. London was the first to fall, densely populated as it was and home to the busiest airports and international links. The government tried to prevent it but they were woefully under-prepared, only grounding flights, closing the ports and blocking off the channel tunnel after the first cases had already appeared in the capital.

It spread like wildfire, infecting everyone in its path with devasting speed. There was no immunity and the effects were horrific. Death for most but a lucky few awoke from a coma with the most profound memory loss. Some were left infantile, unable to remember the most basic skills, but the person was still there. Others were less lucky awakening from the fever feral, cannibalistic. Violent and mindless as they sought food.

At some point the power went out, the generators failing across the city, but inside the walls of MI6’s Vauxhall House at least they had instituted the habit of writing things down, so knew the sick’s names. The absence of power and a paperless system meant all records, all identities were lost. Someone started the plan of pinning the names of the sick to their chest as they lay in their comas. If they woke again, a name gave them some measure of comfort.

If they woke again.

It couldn’t be estimated how many people the disease killed outright or how many of them woke up insane but the first few weeks were just the start of the real chaos. Hastily, hand-written notes recovered from the Royal Brompton Hospital told a heart-breaking tale. Of the sick, the confused survivors and of the ferals, vicious and destructive as they attacked everyone they saw. And of the people attacked by the ferals. The disease must have mutated somehow, an unknown doctor observed, as a bite from one of them would turn their victim feral in turn. There was no cure.

That was when the battle to survive really started.

~00Q~

James had taken point.

He held his Heckler & Koch MP5SF carbine loosely in his grip, the strap across his body taking the majority of its weight. The team had walked just over five miles to get to their current location, continuing their sweep of London but James was alert now as he had been when they set off from Vauxhall House. There’d been few signs of movement on the streets so far but that didn’t mean the area was safe. Ferals tended to roam, not sticking to familiar grounds if food supplies became scarce. It was a lot better than it had been though. They’d put a lot of them down and they were becoming slower. Only the new ones moved quickly. It wasn’t like when James first patrolled after he woke eight months before. The streets had been teeming back then.

He was walking down Rivercourt Road towards the river Thames when he caught sight of movement. They were about to cross the Great West Road, a six-lane main artery that had railings on the central reservation. He raised his hand to halt the team and then tucked the stock of his weapon into his shoulder, taking aim. He could see there was a prone figure and another two who appeared to be eating it. Ferals.

They hadn’t noticed him, intent as they were on the fresh meat in front of them. He slowed his breathing and used the holographic scope on the weapon to take a single shot. The first would be easy but the second was likely to run and they could be damn fast if they were newly infected. 

James would just have to be faster.

He settled himself, slowed his breath, and then squeezed off the first shot. It was a headshot, an instant kill, but he didn’t bother to make sure that one stayed down, instead he instantly shifted his aim to the second. As he’d thought, it was immediately up and running, but he coolly took it down with another shot. He kept the gun raised while he made sure they had stopped moving and then trained his weapon on the victim, shooting him through the head too.

“He was half-eaten. Do you really think he would have come back?” An amused voice behind him said. He turned to look at the squad leader, Eve Moneypenny.

“Better to be safe than sorry.” James replied. “Keep moving. Others might have heard the shots.”

“I thought I was in command?” She commented.

“Of course. Apologies. So, what do you suggest?” He asked.

“We’d better keep moving. Others might have heard the shots.” She said dryly.

James laughed.

“Yes boss.”

James crossed the road, placing one hand on the waist-high railing and hopping over it before resuming his steady pace. They’d finally reached an area that was new to them. All the houses that they’d passed on the way had small black crosses on the doors, signs that they or one of the other MI6 teams had checked the property for non-perishable food or supplies. They had started growing food on the roofs at Vauxhall but there wasn’t enough to feed all of them yet. 

When he reached the next rows of houses, James paused, waiting for the team to catch him up. He gazed up the road. At the other end there was a T-junction and beyond that, the River Thames. James frowned as he felt the slightest tickle of recognition. Déjà vu wasn’t unheard of for any of them but it wasn’t something that James had experienced much himself.

“Right then, gather round.” Eve said. “In light of our two friends back there, I want someone out here at all times keeping watch. Alec, you stay here while us three take the first three houses. James, you’ll stand guard on the second three.” She looked down the road and then at the tatty old A-Z map in her hands. She nodded towards the large building that stood on the on the other side of the road behind a high wall. “That’s Latymer Prep School. It’s a big place. We’ll do that as a team.”

Alec went across the street and stood with his back against a large set of black gates that were slightly tucked back off the pavement. It was a good position should anyone decide to come at them from the main road. Eve took the first house, James the second and the final member of the team, Gareth Mallory, took the third. James took out his lockpicks and made short work of the lock. As he entered, he heard the sound of splintering wood coming from the direction of the third house. The occupants must have bolted the door. Hopefully for Mallory they were long gone.

James soon realised that the house he was in had nothing to offer. There were four flats in all and all of them were unoccupied. They were bare and pristinely painted, if now covered in a layer of dust. James guessed they’d just been renovated, ready for new tenants, when the apocalypse came. He went back out onto the street and saw Alec raise an eyebrow at how quick he’d been. He shook his head and mouthed “a bust”. Alec nodded and resumed looking up the street. James wandered down to find himself a lookout point further down the street from Alec. There was no handy gateway to tuck himself into but there was a large, leafy creeper that had overtaken part of the wall and a car that had been abandoned was parked in front of it. He set his back to the wall and that was when he noticed the house.

31 Rivercourt Road was an impressive three-story house built from red sandstone with white brickwork. The other houses in the street were all pale brickwork, cream wood and slate grey roofs. This house was quite unlike them, quirky and unusual amongst so much uniformity. It wasn’t symmetrical and had a bay window set into the roof on the right-hand side. The roof slates were a warm russet colour. The little tickle of déjà vu that he’d felt earlier was like a cosh to the back of his neck now.

“I knew this place.” He whispered.

He shook his head. It was ridiculous, of course it was. In the eight months he’d been awake, he’d only had the slightest glimpses of recognition, the first time he’d held a weapon, the first time Alec had made love to him and now… 

‘Catalyst’ was a term that the surviving doctor at Vauxhall, Susan Conroy had coined. They all used it now to describe something that triggered a lost skill. When James had first recovered from the confusion that had followed the sickness, he’d had no clue who he was, other than the name that was pinned to his chest. When he first regained the strength to walk around the building, he’d found himself in the armoury and the first time he’d held a gun he’d instinctively known how to use it and strip it down. 

Déjà vu was different. It could be caused by the recognition of the place or it could be that the place just reminded them of another, unconnected place. One that looked like it. James stared at the house and wondered which one he was experiencing. Did he actually know the house in front of him or did it just look like somewhere he’d known? The house he’d grown up in perhaps? Whatever it was, it was a powerful feeling. He shook his head again and groped for his water bottle. He was dehydrated, he had to be, and it was making him feel odd. He took the lid off with shaking hands and took a large swallow.

“Hey James.” He looked over to see Alec was walking towards him. “You feeling okay?”

James clipped his bottle back onto his belt and smiled at him. He’d been one of the lucky ones. He’d woken from his fever in the arms of his partner, Alec Trevelyan. Alec had been sick and recovered a few days before James and had been able to help James through the early days of his recovery, through all the confusion and fear. They neither of them knew how long they’d been a couple but Alec had found a photograph of them together as younger men so it must have been some time, they’d figured. They made a good team and James was comforted by having someone close who loved him.

“Yeah,” James replied, huffing out a laugh. “Bit light-headed is all. I’ll be okay.”

Alec reached out to take his hand and gave it a brief squeeze.

“If you say so.” He said. “Call out if you need me.”

Eve and Mallory came up behind them and Alec moved away quickly. Signs of affection were not encouraged while out on patrol.

“Anything good?” He asked them.

“Couple of corpses in mine.” Mallory said. “Nothing of any use. The house had already been cleared, I reckon.”

“Same for me.” Eve said, holding up a small packet of Duracell, “I found some batteries for the Doc’s torch but no food.”

“On we go then.” Alec said cheerily as he headed for the house James had been looking at.

If truth were told, he was still looking at it. The bay-window in the attic was drawing his eye. It looked like it would let in a lot of light. Ideal for an artist or a designer. James had read magazines since waking to try to remember what it had been like before. It had all seemed so busy and confusing but he’d read an interview with an artist called Grayson Perry and seen the photographs of the light, airy studio that he’d worked in. James wondered if the owner of the little red house had been an artist...

Within minutes Mallory and Eve had returned having found nothing. Alec took almost five minutes longer, seeming flustered when he emerged empty-handed.

“Bloody house, it was like a rabbit warren in there. It goes back quite a way.”

It was on the tip of James’s tongue to say “no it doesn’t” and then wondered at himself. There it was again, that feeling of déjà vu. Instead he stayed silent as he hitched up his weapon and looked to Eve.

“Okay. Let’s see if there’s anything worth having in the school.” She said.

James took point again and set off up towards the river’s edge, leaving the puzzling little house behind them. He soon reached the T-junction and scanned up and down the road for movement before stepping out and turning right. He walked up to the main entrance of the school and then paused, the hair rising on the back of his neck. Something was off. Eve approached him and spoke quietly.

“Something wrong?”

“Can you smell it?”

It looked as though she was about to ask him what he meant but then she nodded, her nose wrinkling. 

“Blood. Viscera. Fresh by the smell of it. Courtesy of our two friends down the road do you think?”

“Or their friends.” James said in a low voice. “Let’s find out, shall we?”


	2. Haven - part 2

The smell of death was familiar to them and easily recognisable. James moved his finger from the trigger guard to the trigger itself and put his gun to his shoulder again. The gate led to a little path which ran straight up to the front door of the school but James ignored it, turning to the right and crossing the small piece of lawn which led to the path at the side of the building. There were splashes of fresh blood on the grass and it was these that he was following. He wondered if it had belonged to the man they’d seen up on the main road. James didn’t remember seeing blood on the road though. More likely it was one of his friends.

James walked up the narrow path between the building and the hedge and past the corner into the small patch of lawn there. He immediately took aim and fired. The feral didn’t even see him before what was left of its brains spattered up the side of the building. It used to be female, he thought glumly, as he took in the skirt it was wearing. He pushed the thought aside. It didn’t do to think of them in relation to the human that they’d once been; there was no cure, it was better to put them out of their misery. He walked over to check the victim.

It was another woman, in her fifties by James’s guess. She’d been bitten on the side of her neck and James could see she was bleeding profusely. She looked up at him with glassy eyes.

“ _Help me?_ ” She whispered.

James nodded and pulled his large bowie knife out of his thigh holster. There was no point in wasting ammunition. She saw it and nodded before closing her eyes. James went down onto one knee and tenderly placed the palm of his hand on her forehead.

“I’m sorry.” He said as he slid the blade into the other side of her neck and up into her skull. He paused for a moment before withdrawing the knife and wiping it clean on her shirt. He re-holstered it and stood up.

“Shame.” Mallory said. “Can’t save them all.”

“No, indeed.” James said quietly. “Let’s see if there’s any more of them.”

Alec had taken point and James fell into step behind him. The door to what looked like the school’s gymnasium building stood ajar, a smear of blood on it shockingly red against the white woodwork. There was a short corridor which led to double doors. Alec moved silently but when he reached to doors he suddenly strode forward, raising his gun and firing off a shot. James moved quickly, entering the room behind Alec, ready to fire. Alec had moved to the left so James stepped right and assessed the room he found himself in.

They were in a sports hall and it had been overrun by ferals. James counted five of them on his side of the room. He fired off two shots, putting down two who were feeding from their victims. The next was standing and rocking in the middle of the room. Not all ferals were created equal and some of them struggled to function. They followed gangs of others but didn’t pose much of a threat. Nevertheless, James ended it with a bullet. The other two were closing in on a young man in the far corner. He was wielding a cricket bat and James saw with some admiration that it looked as though he’d already put three of them down with it. As James watched the larger of the two ferals suddenly rushed him. He swung the bat but his movements were sluggish as if he was exhausted. Instead of killing the feral with a blow to the head he caught its arm, knocking it of balance. It blundered into him, slamming him up against the monkey bars behind him. James fancied he heard the crack of his head hitting them before he slumped. With the man out of his line of fire, James killed the aggressor. He got the other one in his sights just before a shot rang out and that one fell too. He glanced to his side to see Eve lowering her weapon.

James looked around to see Mallory and Alec had killed the rest before he trotted over to the young man. The larger feral had fallen onto him and James dragged him off so he could get a closer look at him. He looked to be in his late twenties. He had pale skin that looked even paler due to the dark mop of curls that framed his face. James knelt and carefully slipped his hand in under his head, cradling it. He could feel a bump starting to form at the back of his skull. The man groaned and shifted.

“He’s pretty. Want me to do it?”

Alec’s voice startled James and he looked up to see that his partner had his pistol in his hand and was aiming it at the young man’s head. Irritated, James pushed his hand to the side.

“Don’t be a fool. He’s not been bitten.”

“You can’t be sure.” Alec said. “What if he’s hiding a bite and goes psycho on us?”

“You always think the worst.” James grumbled but he ran his hands over the man’s legs and arms looking for evidence of bites despite his words. The young man stirred and groaned at his touch, louder this time. His eyes fluttered open.

“Easy there. Don’t try to move just yet. What’s your name?” 

His eyes rolled as he tried to focus on James.

“What’s happening? Who are you?” He asked.

“You were attacked. Ferals got in.”

“Oh God no.” He started to struggle, trying to sit up. “Where is everyone?”

James helped him to get up and place his back against the wall. He kept one hand on his side to support him.

“You’re the only one we found alive.” James said as gently as he could.

“Oh God. Please… no.” The young man became distraught, tears filling his eyes and spilling over. “Even Tanya? Did you find her? She’s older, she was wearing her green trousers today…”

James felt a swell of pity for him as he remembered the woman he’d killed outside.

“I’m so sorry. They got her.”

“I kept telling them we should barricade the grounds.” He sobbed. “They thought we’d be safe… we were tucked away… they didn’t want to draw attention to us being here… oh God.” The young man covered his face with his hands and started to sob. James patted his side comfortingly and then stood up to face Eve and the others.

“We can’t leave him here.” He said quietly.

“Well we can’t take him with us!” Alec insisted, “We’d have to fuck off an entire day’s scavenging. Why don’t we leave him and come back for him later?”

“Didn’t you see the way he smacked his head? He needs a doctor.” James turned to Eve. “And didn’t you see the way he was fighting before they caught him? With a little bit of training he could be a real asset to us.”

Eve looked down at him.

“I did but he doesn’t look like he could make the walk back.”

“Just give him a minute.” James insisted. “Give him a chance, please.”

Eve’s eyebrow raised at that. James begrudgingly understood why. He didn’t exactly have a reputation for being sentimental. He and Alec were very much alike in that regard.

“Tell you what, the three of us will do a sweep. See what’s in here. You keep an eye on him. If he feels up to it after we’ve combed the building, he can come back with us.”

James felt an uncharacteristic wave of relief which he wondered at. It wasn’t the first time they had found survivors and it wasn’t uncommon for them to choose to carry on living their own lives. Not everyone wanted to join them in Vauxhall but for some reason James’s instinct was to protect the young man and take him with them to safety.

The others left and James looked around himself. He spotted a pair of glasses on the floor a couple of steps away. He picked them up and used the edge of his t-shirt to clean the lenses before going back to where the young man still wept. He crouched down beside him and touched his shoulder. He looked up, startled.

“Easy there. Are these yours?” James held out the glasses.

“Oh yes, thank you.” The young man scrubbed at his face, wiping away the worst of his tears, and put them on. James smiled. The lenses (or maybe the tears) made his eyes sparkle.

“My name is Bond. James Bond.” He said.

“I’m Q.”

James smiled.

“Just Q?”

The young man, Q, pulled up his left sleeve and showed James the inside of his wrist. There was a scar, one inch across, a perfect capital ‘Q’. It looked as though it had been scratched into the skin.

“I woke up with this. It was still scabbed over. It must have been done just as I fell sick. I don’t know what my name actually was but the people who were here with me were the ones that found me. Saved me. Apparently, I was found walking the streets, just in my underwear, confused and freezing cold. They brought me in and started calling me Q.” He studied it. “Maybe it’s a clue to who I was. Something I should remember.” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I sometimes think I could have given myself a bit more information…”

“You think you did it?” James asked.

“I think it’s my handwriting. Well, I’m as sure as I ever could be.”

“So, you don’t know anything about who you were? Have you discovered any catalysts? Things that have triggered skills or memories?”

Q seemed to ponder James’s question.

“I’m clever, I know that.” He said, matter-of-factly. “I seem to be able to mend any kind of engines, machinery and the like. I’ve repaired things that I don’t remember ever coming across before… radios… weapons… locks… and oh,” his cheeks pinked up at his next confession, “I think I might be a bit gay.”

James burst out laughing at the way Q scrunched his nose up when he said the last part.

“Aren’t we all, darling?” He said in a dry tone. Q looked surprised at that and was about to say something else when the others returned. James twisted around.

“Guys, this is Q. Q, this is our leader Eve Moneypenny, Gareth Mallory and this is my partner, Alec Trevelyan.”

“Pleased to meet you all.” Q said.

“Q,” Eve began, “we’ve just seen your store rooms They’re very impressive. We have a small community up the river a way. Would you be willing to share some of what you have here with us?”

Q looked surprised at her.

“Oh. I assumed this was going to be the part where you just took everything. There’s only me here now…” He ended sadly.

“We’re not thieves.” James said. “Yours isn’t the first community we’ve found and left intact.”

“It’s hardly intact.” Q said quietly.

“Perhaps you could come with us.” James suggested. “It will be quite a walk for you though, if you’re not feeling too good, five miles or more. You gave yourself one hell of a whack there.”

Q seemed to perk up at the offer.

“Could I? Oh yes please. I don’t want to be on my own here.”

“We won’t be able to carry you though.” Eve said. “So, you must be sure you can walk the full distance, if not we can come back in a few days for you when we come to collect the provisions.”

“I don’t need to walk. None of us do. You said your camp was up the river? I have a boat that can take us, if you’d like.”

James raised an eyebrow at Eve who looked suitably impressed. Q went to stand up gingerly and James instinctively took his hand to help him. Q wobbled and then seemed to centre himself when James slipped a hand in under his elbow.

“I’m okay. Let’s go. I don’t want to stay here any longer.” 


	3. Haven - part 3

As they walked towards the door, James spoke.

“Guys. Can we do this in a shield formation please? I want Q to close his eyes until we’re clear of the building.”

His team all shifted as one, Alec on point, Eve just in front of Q and Mallory bringing up the rear. James still had Q’s elbow but he shifted their grip so that Q was holding his arm.

“Reach out and grab the back of Eve’s harness.” James said.

Q did as he was told.

“First sign of trouble, you need to let go of both of us instantly and drop to the ground. Do you understand?”

Q nodded.

“Good lad. Now close your eyes. There’s something out here that I don’t want you to see.” 

Q closed his eyes and allowed them to guide him.

“It’s Tanya, isn’t it?” He said in a small voice. James didn’t answer him but he didn’t miss the way a fresh tear tracked down Q’s cheek.

“We’ll soon be past it.” James said gently.

The team went through the little corridor and out into the sunshine. James heard Mallory closing the door behind them. It was a wise move; the smell of blood might attract more ferals.

“I’ll catch you up.” Mallory said.

“Don’t be long.” Eve replied.

Mallory was most likely going to move the bodies to a spot away from the doors, probably by tossing them over the wall into the street behind the school, James thought grimly. Mallory was a big man who had a skill for weapons and a no-nonsense attitude to getting things done, no matter how bloody or disgusting the job was. He and everyone else assumed he’d been a career soldier before the end of the world and he had slipped back into that role easily.

As they rounded the wall, away from Q’s fallen friend, James told him he could let go and open his eyes. He looked around him and blinked when he realised where he was.

“Thank you, James.” He said.

“You’re welcome. Now where is your boat?” 

“Out of the gate and turn right. There’s a pontoon about fifty metres down the road. I tied it up there.”

Alec was close enough that he would have heard Q but he darted out to the left to check the road they’d walked in on. He hurried back.

“Ferals. A dozen of them coming this way. We need to mosey.”

“James. Grab Mallory.” Eve said. “Be quick.”

He immediately ran back and found Mallory dragging one of the dead ferals by its heels to the back of the building.

“Gareth! No time! We’ve got company!” He hissed, as loudly as he dared.

They didn’t actively engage with ferals if they could help it, it was a waste of ammunition and situations could get out of control quickly, especially with a group as big as the one Alec had spotted. Mallory dropped the corpse. They moved quickly and quietly back to the front of the property. Alec, Q and Eve were already a way up the road and they hurried to follow them. There was a strangled scream from behind them and James cursed. The ferals must have got up the road faster than they’d anticipated.

“RUN!” James shouted. He caught sight of five of them but there was no time to waste standing around and counting them all. They could move bloody fast and it was going to be a straight foot-race between them. The other three made it to the pontoon and Q dragged off the mooring rope before jumping into the speedboat that James saw waiting there. It was sleek and black and James had absolutely no more time to admire it as, at that exact moment, he fancied he felt a hand brush the back of his tactical vest. “LAUNCH IT!” He bellowed, as he and Mallory thundered down the slipway. The boat’s engine sprang to life as Mallory leapt, hitting the boat dead-centre and shoving it away from its berth. James was only two steps behind but by the time he jumped, he knew he wasn’t going to make it. He hit the water with an enormous splash, just managing the slap the side of the boat with an open hand before going under. 

He came back up with a gasp, hearing more splashes as the ferals fell into the river behind him. They no longer concerned him though. They couldn’t swim. Two sets of strong hands grabbed him and moment later, Mallory and Alec were hauling him into the boat.

“All in? Here we go.” Q said.

He opened the throttle and the little boat roared to life. James looked back. Four of the ferals had fallen into the drink, the others were milling around looking bemused on the pontoon. He sat back in the base of the boat, trying to catch his breath. They didn’t tend to use anything with an engine, the sound of them running attracted ferals like moths to a flame, but he had to admit, a boat was an elegant solution to that problem. There was a lot of London for them left to explore but maybe if they could use the boat for the areas that skirted the river… find a way of disembarking and getting away from them before the ferals congregated. 

As he mused, he watched Q. He handled the boat well, getting them up to top speed in seconds. They would be back at Vauxhall within minutes. He stood proud and James would have been lying if he said that he didn’t cut an attractive figure. He was very slim but there was nothing weak or weedy about him. He stood confidently, compensating for the movement of the boat as he scanned the horizon. He looked over and saw James watching. A small smile touched his lips.

“Where am I taking us?” Q asked.

James stood up and made his way to the front of the boat. Further ahead he could just make out four white chimneys. He pointed to them.

“Look up there. We pass that building and then it’s about a mile further on.”

“Okay. Can you look in the footlocker at the back of the boat please? You’re all going to need to help me out.” 

There was a latch on the box but no lock. James opened it to find a couple of life-jackets and half a dozen oars.

“Grab an oar each and bring one up here for me. I’m going to shut off the engine in a minute.” 

They passed the building that Eve’s map had told them had been the Battersea Power Station and Q eased off the throttle. The engine went from a roar to a low chugging noise and they cruised that way until they reached Vauxhall Bridge.

“Go under the bridge. Our building is next to it and just past that there’s a slipway. From there it’s only a short walk to the entrance.” James told Q.

“Okay. Then we need to start paddling.” He replied.

Q shut off the engine and then took the oar that James had brought for him. They all set to work propelling the now-silent boat to the slipway.

“The biters love noise and will home in on it but they’re not very bright.” Q said in a low voice. “Even if any of them did see us coming up the river, they wouldn’t have the mental acuity required to follow us to a logical landing point. I’ve used this technique several times now and never had a problem.”

“Clever boy.” James said and he could have sworn that he saw Q blush.

“A simple application of logic.” He replied. 

The tide was with them and that, along with the momentum of the boat, made paddling easy work. Within minutes, they were turning into the slipway. Q put his oar down and picked up the mooring rope. He hopped up onto the nose of the boat and jumped off into the shallow water. Instead of landing on his feet though he staggered and fell to his knees, his head dropping as he placed a hand on the ground. James heard him swear and he jumped out of the boat after him.

“Q? Are you okay?” He grabbed Q’s elbow to stop him faceplanting in the Thames and took the rope off him. He handed it to Eve who’d followed him out for her to tie off.

“Dizzy.” Q whispered. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” James said. “Can you stand? There’s not much further to go.”

Q didn’t answer but he grabbed James’s hand and let him help him up. He’d had a tough day and the adrenaline from their escape from the ferals was obviously wearing off. They needed to get him inside and let the doctor look him over. Mallory moved to point position with Alec following. James helped Q next and Eve brought up the rear. They reached the side entrance and Alec turned to them.

“Can’t let you in this way. You know the rules. Go to the visitor’s entrance and I’ll tell Doc you’re here.”

James nodded. It was a bit more walking for Q but Alec had a point. No one new was allowed in the building until they’d been through quarantine. He went to lead Q away but Eve stopped him. She reached into one of the pockets on her vest and drew out the batteries that she’d found earlier.

“Give these to Susan for me, would you?”

James took them off her, putting them in his own pocket and then walked Q slowly around to the road side of the building, trying not to notice how exhausted Q now looked. Once they were out of sight of the others, James slipped his arm around his waist, supporting him more fully.

“Don’t tell the others.” He muttered, winking at him.

Q smiled and it was so sunny… so sweet… that James couldn’t help but smile back. 

The ‘visitors’ entrance would probably have been the main entrance to the building once upon a time but they’d found a way to close it off internally, leaving just a few rooms for lockdown purposes. Until a couple of months before people would come in before they’d been sick – or when they’d been sick – and they had to be sure they wouldn’t be letting a potential feral into their community. The only way to be sure was to restrain them until the disease had run its course.

As they waited for the doors to be unlocked by the doctor, Q started to lean into James. He kept his hold on him and looked down at him as he rested his head on James’s shoulder.

“Sorry.” Q said again.

“You’ll be okay.” James said. “Only a few minutes longer and then we can get you lying down.”

Q made a little noise then, a contented hum that tugged at a part of James he hadn’t been aware of until then. A warm affection he couldn’t remember experiencing before. He heard a noise and realised one of the doors was being unlocked. He welcomed the distraction. He didn’t want to think too hard about what he’d just felt. The doctor opened the door wide for them and James jiggled Q, who was almost on the point of dozing. To his surprise, instead of allowing James to help him in, he suddenly straightened up and walked forward.

“Hello,” Susan said, “welcome to MI6. What’s your name?”

Q barely registered her as he stumbled straight past her on shaking legs. Behind her on the wall facing them there was a memorial of sorts, a stone carved with the names of countless forgotten people and it seemed to have caught his eye. He walked straight up to it and ran trembling fingers over the lettering. James met the doctor’s gaze as he passed. Her expression was questioning but he shrugged. He didn’t know what Q was doing.

“Q?” He queried gently.

Q looked up at the dedication wall. His fingers hovering over the bottom of the list.

“I think… I've been here before.” He turned back to James, looking confused and frightened. “How can I know this place?” he whispered before he passed away into a dead faint.


	4. Haven - part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q is safe. James is given a new mission.

James’s reactions were so quick he managed to catch Q before he was halfway towards hitting the floor. He scooped him up and turned back to see Susan re-locking the door. When she’d finished, she glanced at them and immediately strode towards the doorway to his left.

“With me.” She commanded.

James followed her into the side room. It had been simply kitted out with a hospital bed. There was a cabinet that was stocked with first aid equipment and a bolt gun for if the bed’s occupant needed to be put down. The bed’s blankets had been turned down so James could lay Q on the bottom sheet.

“When we found him, his camp had been overrun. He hit his head quite hard when a feral knocked into him…”

“I’ll check his head in a minute. Start stripping him. Here.” Susan handed him a pair of tough cut scissors. Remembering the batteries, James passed them to her in return.

“Ah!” She exclaimed. “Brilliant. Courtesy of Eve?”

James nodded as he set about un-buckling Q’s belt. Q was dressed simply in jeans and a t-shirt, under a checked flannel shirt. It was easy enough to remove his shoes, socks, jeans and pants, but he hoped the shirts weren’t favourites as he would need to cut them off him. Susan came back to the bed with her torch, just as James had finished stripping Q from the waist down. She turned it on and started to go over his skin with it, checking every inch of him for signs of bites or cuts that might have been infected.

James cut down the sleeves of Q’s clothing and then across the front before rolling Q to pull it out from under him. He gazed down over his body. He was slim but muscular as if he did a lot of physical activity. Watching him fighting in the gym could have told James that anyway – he had obviously been well-trained. His shoulders were broader than he would have guessed and his body tapered down to a toned stomach and narrow hips. His pubes were as black as the hair on his head and his cock was as slim as the rest of him. He looked at the way the curve of each of his prominent hip bones gave way to a concave channel running down each side of his abdomen to muscular thighs…

He looked up, suddenly aware that Susan was staring at him, a wry smile on her face.

“I _said_ , would you mind helping me to roll him?”

“Sure. Of course.” James muttered, leaning over Q and grasping his shoulder and one of the hips he’d just been admiring. He willed his cheeks not to blush as he realised he’d been caught looking. Susan ducked down and went over Q’s back and buttocks before checking the back of his neck and his arm.

“Okay. Swap sides.”

They each went around the bed and repeated their actions. As James held Q this time, he started to moan.

“He’s waking up again. Help me to put the restraints on him please.”

“Is that really necessary?” James asked.

“You know the rules.” Susan replied.

He did. Anyone coming into the building needed to be observed and restrained for twenty-four hours after first contact in case they were sick. They’d met Q barely three hours before.

He took Q’s wrist and quickly strapped it into the soft leather cuff that was connected to the bed guard by his waist. He then went down to the foot of the bed and restrained his ankles in a similar way while Susan finished examining his arm and cuffed his other wrist. Q moaned again and shifted, starting to pull on his bonds. He got more and more agitated as he woke up enough to realise that he was bound and naked. James quickly grabbed the blankets and placed them over him, covering his nudity.

“It’s okay. Shhhhhh. Calm down.”

Q whimpered and tried to thrash.

“Please Q. Try to calm down…”

He reached out and cupped the side of his face with his hand. He spoke in a low voice;

“It’s okay sweetheart, I’ve got you. You’re safe here.”

That seemed to do the trick. James sat on the side of the bed, and leant over him as Q started to relax. He kept stroking the side of his face until the young man opened his eyes, gazing up at James.

“Did… did I dream you?” He asked tremulously.

James smiled but his brow wrinkled into a puzzled frown.

“We’ve only just met. Remember? You came to our base with us so that you could be safe.”

“I think I dreamt you.” Q said unhappily before his eyes slid shut again. He was obviously confused so James stood up and allowed Susan to move in. She gently felt around the back of his skull and frowned when she found the lump that had formed there. She used her little torch again, gently opening each of Q’s eyes in turn and shining the light into them.

“I think he’s concussed,” She said, “he’ll be woolly for a while I’d imagine but I haven’t seen anything else that I’m concerned about. I’ll have a re-read of my books while he’s sleeping just to make sure though.”

Doctor Susan Conroy was a marvel and a prime example of just how well people could remember past skills after recovering from the sickness. There was no record of how quickly the people in the building had succumbed to it but by her best guess, it must have spread like wildfire. Some people remembered others waking (like Alec with James) but by and large the period of confusion that followed the disease removed any hope they had of holding onto any memories or being told anything concrete about who they had been before. But for the work of one other doctor, they might all have lost their names. 

Scattered around the building, they had found notes, written by different people who’d worked in the building. Sometimes there was a single page, sometimes a sheaf of paper or a notebook, sometimes handwritten, sometimes typed. All of them had started by saying much the same thing; Mi6’s resident surgeon Doctor Kressler had heard reports that those who survived more or less undamaged had no memory, those who succumbed to it woke up feral and uncontrollable within twenty-four hours and that this feral mutation could then be passed on through contact with their bodily fluids.

This doctor had instigated the restraint and name-tagging of the sick and encouraged all staff to make as many notes as they could. Write down things that might help themselves once they’d awoken. They’d also realised that during the two- or three -day comas that people went through they had an extremely high temperature. If the patients could be cooled during that period, the damage to the brain could be lessened. Kressler did so much for them but they couldn’t help him-or her-self. No-one knew what had happened to them. They might still be in the building – one of the many people whose identities were complete lost despite their best efforts – or they might be one of the dead. Dying of the disease or put down after waking up feral.

Susan had woken with no knowledge of who she was, just like all the others at Mi6, but someone had pinned her name to her chest as she’d succumbed. After she’d recovered and got over the initial confusion, she’d been terrified to learn that she was the only surviving doctor. She was in denial for several days until someone found her notebook and gave it to her. The first line, written in her own handwriting, had made her laugh. It said; “ _Stop panicking, you silly bitch. You’ve got this_.”

In the months that had followed she’d dedicated herself to relearning as much of her lost knowledge as possible. It was Conroy who’d first realised how easy it could be. For instance, one of the men at Vauxhall had been suffering from abdominal pains. With a combination of her own handwritten notes from before and a pile of medical encyclopaedia that the various search teams had brought back from their hunts for her, she’d managed to successfully identify – and remove – an inflamed appendix. Eve had asked her afterwards how she’d managed it and she’d explained that reading up on the subject hadn’t been like learning it, it had been like being reminded of it. Once she’d ‘remembered’, the knowledge appeared to be permanently restored.

James watched as she straightened the blankets over Q, tucking him in. The room was cool and he would get cold easily if she wasn’t careful. She lifted his head and tucked a pillow in under it, turning his face towards her to take the pressure off the bump at the back. He moaned and she smoothed his hair back off his face.

“Easy there, young man. Just sleep now. You’re going to be fine.” She soothed. She looked up at James. “Are you okay James?”

He hesitated, realising again that he’d been staring at Q. He said the first thing that came into his head.

“I had déjà vu.”

She instantly looked interested.

“Really? Was it this young man?”

The feeling was common enough for most people but it was usually elicited by things - guns, buildings, clothing - not people. Conroy theorised it was because the memory loss involved an element of facial blindness. Even Eve, who was married to a man called Bill Tanner, hadn’t remembered until she’d noticed that they wore matching wedding rings. For James, déjà vu had been almost non-existent. He’d found his way around any weapon he’d been handed with no effort. He’d instinctively been able to fight and wield a knife and he could kill, but the only other moments of familiarity that he’d experienced came when Alec made love to him. Even then, Alec could have been interchanged with any man – or woman - for that matter.

“No.” James shook his head, stepping forward to rest his hands on the side of the bed’s guardrail. “It was a house. Just before we found Q. I was keeping watch and Alec went in to search it. He said something about the layout when he came out and I almost called him a liar. It was the strangest feeling. It was like I knew it wasn’t like that inside …”

Susan took a digital thermometer out of her pocket and popped the probe into Q’s ear to check his temperature.

“That’s interesting.” She said. “Will you get the chance to go back? I’d check it out if I were you. I don’t think it’s wise to ignore things like that.”

“Probably. The group that Q was a part of had a lot of supplies according to Eve. We’ll be going back to collect them in the next few days, I should think.”

“There you are then. Take five minutes when you go back. Go and have a look inside. Find out why it’s familiar.”

“I will, I think.” James said. He gave Q once last look before saying goodbye to Susan.

It had been a warm day, even without the fighting and the running for his life, so James headed up to his quarters to get washed up before dinner. There were a few couples in the building, some like James and Eve had their partners from before but more had fallen in love since. It was comforting to share intimate moments with someone and no-one was judged for the relationships they had, even the fleeting no-strings ones. Most of the established couples had taken over the individual offices on the sixth floor. James’s had belonged to someone called ‘M’. By the notes found on the printer in the outer office, it seemed that they’d run the organisation. By a process of elimination and the fact that Eve had found a photograph of herself and Billy on the desk next to the printer where they’d been found, they deduced that ‘M’ had stood for ‘Moneypenny’ and so it had been natural for her to become their de facto leader. She hadn’t wanted the two offices with their wood panelling and imposing bookcases for herself and Bill, preferring to take the small conference room located in the light and airy corner of the fifth floor, so James and Alec had taken them. 

The large desk in the second office had been pushed to one side to make way for the mattress that James and Alec shared at night. The minibar had long since been drunk dry and had been replaced by their washing bowl. James could have gone down to the kitchens to have the water heated but cold would do him well-enough. He stripped off his tactical vest and placed it on the chair next to him. He then piled the rest of his kit, his weapons and holsters, onto it before putting his shirt and t-shirt on top of the pile. Everything was still damp and smelt vaguely of the river. He had lathered up his hands and was bent over the bowl of cold water washing his face when he felt Alec’s hands on his hips.

“Hello sailor.”

James grunted out a laugh as he rubbed the soap around his face and neck. Alec moved his hands around him and started to undo his belt.

“I stink. Give me a minute.” James said.

“No.” Alec replied, moving forward and pressed his groin into James’s buttocks. James groaned as he felt his lover’s erection through their layers of clothing. “Not when you’re bent over so invitingly.”

James quickly washed off the suds as Alec undid his trousers and pulled them and his underpants down to his knees. James braced his hands either side of the washbowl and dropped his head. He was sure that he looked ridiculous standing there mostly naked with his combat boots on still.

“Someone might come in.” James warned.

“Let them.” Alec said, spitting on his fingers and pressing the tips into James’s arse. “They’ll only see me fucking you. It’s not exactly a secret.” James shivered as he felt Alec replace his fingers with the broad head of his cock. He shifted his hips once or twice, as if bracing himself, and then pushed in.

“Christ!” James swore at the burn of Alec forcing his way inside him. There was barely enough lubrication, there rarely was, but he endured it until Alec was all the way in. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth against the burn as Alec began to move. The pain and ungodly friction soon lessened as James was able to relax and he started to feel the usual sparks of pleasure. He arched his back and shivered as the new angle allowed Alec to slam up against his prostate. James wasn’t going to come – he never did while he was being fucked – but it felt good enough for his cock to harden a little as it swung, untouched, between his legs.

As was usual when they had a quickie in the afternoon, Alec didn’t last long and within a couple of minutes he was grunting, digging his fingers into the bruises on James’s hips where he’d gripped him so many times before. He came with a shout and then ground his hips for a moment before withdrawing and pressing a kiss between James’s shoulders.

“You’re right. You do stink.” He chuckled. James laughed and grabbed the washcloth that was next to the bowl to deal with the rush of come he felt sliding out of him. “Anyway, as nice as it was to have a quick fuck, I didn’t come up here for that. Eve wants to see you. She’s up on the main rooftop with the idiot.”

James frowned at that as he resumed washing.

“Don’t call him that. He’s mute, not feeble.”

“Whatever.” Alec retorted. “See you in the canteen afterwards?”

“Okay.”

Alec left James to his ablutions and his thoughts.

Bill Tanner, Eve’s husband, hadn’t survived the infection at all well. He’d suffered substantial brain damage during his fever which had rendered him aphasic. He might have lost the ability to speak and had endured an extremely long period of confusion and recovery but since then he had demonstrated an almost unnatural knack for gardening. So much so, Eve had put him in charge of the numerous planting beds that they had installed on the many flat roofs of the Vauxhall Building. By the start of the following year, it was estimated that they would be largely self-sufficient and if they could get themselves a decent number of livestock, they might not need to continue their exploratory runs for food at all.

No-one knew what Bill’s role had been prior to the sickness, like so many others his past had been lost, but James remembered seeing Eve weep the moment she’d realised that they wore matching wedding rings. It was the only time he’d ever seen her tough exterior crack. She had no memory of her husband but had furiously fought for him to be able to stay, despite the fact that he was still large non-responsive at a time when people like Alec had started suggesting that they could save precious supplies by leaving Bill and others like him to fend for themselves out on the streets of London. Eve had won the argument and been subsequently vindicated when Billy had proved himself to be such an asset to them.

James finished washing and redressed. He found himself a clean t-shirt and a dry pair of jeans and then made his way upstairs. The sun was still high in the sky when he stepped out onto the roof. Bill had built growing beds all over it, leaving space for narrow walkways so he didn’t need to stand on the soil as he tended to the plants. There was a space in one corner where he’d allowed a table and chairs to be placed so people could keep him company while he worked or simply enjoy the view. Eve was sitting there now. She’d changed out of her combat gear and was wearing a pretty floral dress. She’d let her hair down and she looked lovely. She had a pile of maps and a notepad and pen on the table in front of her. She smiled when she saw James.

“Hi.” She looked over to where Bill was pruning a leafy bush. “Billy? James is here. Did you want to show him your latest project?”

Bill stood up and grinned, beckoning James over. As he approached, James saw the bushes that he’d been working on stood over some smaller, creeping plants. Billy crouched down and moved some of the leaves aside to reveal small white fruits.

“What are they?” James asked, feeling as he often did like he should already know.

“They’re called strawberries.” Eve replied. "One of the chaps from Delta team brought some little plants back from a patrol last month. Bill’s been bringing them on in our quarters and he potted them out this morning. They’ll turn red when they ripen.”

James smiled at Bill. They’d all spent time with him, being shown pictures of the plants that he wanted them to look out for and bring back samples of.

“I don’t know how you do it. I’d have killed the bloody things.”

Bill shrugged but looked as pleased as punch. They stood up again and Bill went back to his pruning while James went to sit with Eve.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. We’ve got a problem and I need another volunteer.”

“Another one? Who’s the first?”

“Felix.”

“Oh, okay…”

Felix Leiter usually headed Beta Team. He had a strange accent and no-one could work out what part of the country he was from but he was a good guy and an excellent marksman.

“Three days ago, Delta Team was dispatched for a standard recon and supplies hunt to north of the river. Even with an overnight stay, they should have been back sometime yesterday.”

“Delta Team?” 

“That’s the one headed by Villiers.”

“Oh yes.” James said bluntly. He’d met Villiers a few times and couldn’t say that he thought much of him.

“Felix’s team is due some down time this week but he’s offered to head out. I don’t want him going alone although I did like his idea of not taking a full team…”

“If the area is overrun with ferals or there’s another aggressive colony of survivors it would be easier for one or two people to get in and out unseen.”

“Exactly. Do you mind accompanying Felix? My plan was to get back to the school for the supplies but I want to wait and until Q feels up to it. He handled the boat well.”

“Susan seemed to think he was concussed. It might be a day or two before he’s fit.”

“If that’s the case then we might well hang on until you return before we go back there.”

“Sounds good.”

She cleared her notepad off one of the maps. 

“Delta Team were heading here,” she said, tapping a spot north of the river, “the Barbican Estate. I found a book about it. It was built after the second world war. It looks largely self-contained. Easily defensible if enough survivors lived there.”

James looked at the layout.

“And teeming with ferals if not.” He said grimly. “All those people, living in close quarters, infecting each other. It would have been a difficult place to survive in.”

“It would.” She said sadly. “And a difficult place to clear out if we wanted to relocate there. One day though, maybe.”

He knew what Eve was getting at. Over the past months they’d found and sometimes picked up survivors on almost every run. The building at Vauxhall wasn’t going to be big enough for them for much longer if they carried on taking them in. She was looking for a new location for them.

“Give it a while.” James said. “We’re still coming across fresh ferals but they’re becoming rarer and rarer and the originals are weakening. We’re not dealing with, I don’t know, some kind of reanimated corpses out there that will be a threat forever. They’re terminally sick. They will begin to die out eventually.”

“I know. I just feel like I owe it to the people in this building to make their lives easier.”

“You have.” James said. “Just look at the young man we found today. We saved him - _you_ saved him by killing the feral that was going for him and then offering to take him in.”

She smiled at that.

“You know, you going to have to watch the way you talk about him, especially in front of Alec.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you smiled more at him on that boat ride than in all the time that I remember knowing you.”

James actually felt himself smile at that.

“Is it wrong that I just feel like I like him already? He seems like a good kid.”

“’a good kid’? Sure. That was _exactly_ how you were looking at him earlier.”

They were interrupted by Bill coming over. He had a single white daisy in his hand which he tucked behind Eve’s ear before tilting her face up so that he could kiss her lips softly. James laughed.

“That’s Bill’s way of telling you work-time is over for today.” He said, standing up and stretching. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it.”

James glanced back at the doorway to see Bill was down on one knee at Eve’s feet. Their hands were entwined and their foreheads were pressed together. He wondered briefly if Alec and he had ever shared so intimate a moment before dismissing the thought and heading on down to the canteen.


	5. Haven - part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q recovers but James and Felix find themselves in danger.

_James dreamt._

_He was on the riverfront opposite the Houses of Parliament. The sun was low in the sky and reflecting in its windows, bright yellow and burning. It was a dangerous place to be, they were too exposed and James could see ferals in the distance. They hadn’t seen him yet but they would and when they did, they would come running and screaming._

_James was sitting on one of the many benches watching Q. The young man was dressed in white, a soft cotton shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and linen trousers, loose and low slung. He was dancing to a melody only he could hear, his bare feet light on the paving slabs beneath him. Every time he swayed, bringing his hands over his head gracefully, his shirt rode up to reveal a strip of pale skin at his waist._

_James was terrified, frozen with fear. He wanted to call out, to tell Q he needed to stop moving. He would be noticed and then the ferals would come. He couldn’t move though, he couldn’t speak, knowing illogically that the slightest twitch on his part would bring death to Q._

_Then he realised that the ferals were moving in anyway, but they weren’t reacting to Q who still danced. They milled around him and yet still James was frozen, trying not to even breathe as he watched, desperate for Q to just walk away._

_To be safe._

_He needed to be safe and James couldn’t help him._

_Q looked at him and smiled, still dancing._

_“Everything will be alright, my darling. I love you too much for it not to be.”_

James jerked awake, sweating and trembling. 

He froze for a moment, waiting to see if he’d woken Alec but his lover snored on. James rolled off the mattress and walked through to the other room. It was early, his watch said it was only five o’clock but James was done with sleep for the night. He’d had nonsensical dreams before but this one had felt so real. He went to get a drink of water from the jug they kept in the corner. As he poured himself a glass, he spotted the photograph on the shelf above it. He picked it up.

It was Alec’s and it showed them as younger men. Arm in arm, grinning at the camera. James was dressed in a navel uniform, Alec in army fatigues. They’d each found little offices (no more than cubicles really) that bore their names on the doors on the fourth floor. James’s had been largely empty but Alec had found the photograph on the bulletin board in his. It was the evidence of their previous relationship. Alec was a hard man but he was loyal and he took care of James. The sex was good, if a little perfunctory at times, but it was one of the things that James felt familiar with. Being physically intimate with another man. He stared at the photo. A whole other life, lost to them now. James wondered how they met. Where they’d lived. Who their friends had been…

He drank the water and then got dressed in his full gear. He would go and look for Felix. If he was willing, they could grab some supplies and leave early. They might even be able to get back by nightfall.

Felix didn’t have a partner as far as James knew, so he still bedded down in one of the communal areas on the second floor. It had originally been an open-plan office but the desks had been stacked by the walls to make way for twenty-or-so bedrolls. James crept in softly and saw that Felix was still fast asleep. Unwilling to deny him any sleep that he might need, James left him to it. On a whim, he headed down to the holding area by the main entrance instead.

There weren’t many lights working down in that area of the building so James had to tread carefully. The building had several generators but only one of them still worked. The others had shut off and there wasn’t anyone who had the knowhow to get them up and running again. During the summer it hadn’t been too much of an issue but come the winter they would need to get the power on again to enable them to heat the building. He reached the room he’d left Q in and tapped on the door before pushing it open. Conroy was sitting at Q’s bedside reading a book. There was a small window and she’d positioned herself under the patch of dawn’s early light that shone down. Q appeared to be sleeping.

“Are you still here?” James asked softly.

“I’ve just come back.” Susan replied, placing a bookmark to save her progress. “My assistant Richard watched him while I got some sleep.”

“How is he?” James asked. At the sound of his voice, Q started to stir.

“I think you’re about to find out.” She leaned forward and took Q’s hand.

“Hey Q. How are you feeling?”

Q shifted, moving his limbs before opening his eyes. He looked scared for a moment and then focussed on her face and squinting.

“Susan?”

She let go of his hand long enough to slide his glasses onto his face before picking it up again.

“That’s right. You’re here with me and James. You’re safe.”

Q immediately looked around the room.

“James?”

James realised he was still standing in the shadows so he stepped forwards.

“Hi.”

“Are you okay? You… you got wet, didn’t you? Sorry, my memory seems to be playing tricks on me. I’m feeling confused…”

“I did.” James smiled. He looked up to see Susan’s querying expression. “I fell in the river.”

“I did wonder why you were soaked through when you got back.” She admitted.

“Anyway, you shouldn’t be asking how I am.” James said to Q. “You’re the one who scared us all by passing out.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Q replied. “I didn’t mean to. I feel okay now… well, better. The back of my head’s still really sore though.”

“It will be for a few days.” Susan said. “That’s a big old bruise you’ve got there. James, would you mind watching Q for a minute or two? I’ve got another patient up in Medical that I need to check in on.” 

James watched as she got up and left and then turned his attention back to Q.

“Susan will keep you here for another few hours to be sure that you haven’t been infected and then you can go up to Medical too. It’s nicer up there. There’s a view of the river and they don’t tie you to the bed.”

Q gave James a small smile.

“Susan said I kept freaking out every time I woke up earlier. I did tell her that if she’d hadn’t taken my pants off me before she’d restrained me, that might not have happened…”

“Actually, it was me did most of the undressing and restraining...” James admitted.

“I wish I’d known that before. That puts a rather delightful spin on everything…” Q joked.

James raised an eyebrow at that which made Q blush.

“Sorry. Am I being cheeky?”

“You are but I’ll let you off.”

“That’s very decent of you.” Q smiled. His eyes slid shut again and he frowned. “Christ, my head hurts.”

“It will.” James said gently. “Give it some time and take it easy. Eve won’t be expecting you to be up and active straight away. She can be as hard as nails when she needs to be but she’s also extremely kind.”

“She sounds like Tanya… she’s… she was… oh God.”

Q’s face crumpled as he suddenly remembered what had happened. He pulled on his wrist restraints as he tried to bring his hands up to his face. He started to twist on the bed. He hadn’t shown any sign of sickness so James reached over him to quickly unbuckle one of the wrist cuffs. He expected Q to cover his face but instead he reached up and looped his hand over the back of James’s neck. There was no threat in his action so James curled over him, wrapping his arms around him to hold him close, lifting his upper body off the bed as he wept. James tucked his face into Q’s neck and closed his eyes. 

He was warm and despite the fact that he needed to wash, Q smelt wonderful. James inhaled the smell of his sweat, wondering why another man’s body odour should be so appealing to him. James shifted so he could sit on the side of the bed. Eventually Q calmed but James didn’t let go of him straight away, unwilling to make Q feel embarrassed by moving away too quickly. He relaxed into the embrace. His intention had been to comfort the young man but now that he had him in his arms, he felt comforted himself. Alec wasn’t exactly a hugger and it felt nice to be so close to someone. Eventually though, James realised that Susan would be on her way back so he regretfully pulled away, stroking his hand down Q’s naked back as he laid him down again. Q gazed up at him, trailing his fingers down the side of James’s neck and making him shiver before resting his hand on his own chest.

“Thank you.” He murmured.

James couldn’t have said what he might have done in the moment that followed. He stared at Q’s lips, and might even have started to move in, intending to kiss them, but then he heard a sound down the hallway. Susan was coming back so instead he quickly reattached the cuff to Q’s wrist. Q blinked slowly at him.

“Sorry.” James muttered.

“It’s okay James.”

James nodded, drawing the bedcovers back up Q’s chest where they’d slipped down.

“Take it easy Q. Get some rest. Eve will find work for you once you’re well.”

“You’re wearing your tactical gear. Are you patrolling again today?” Q asked. James nodded.

“Eve’s sending me North of the river. I won’t be gone long.”

Just then Susan came back in. She was carrying two mugs on a small tray.

“Still here. Good. I thought I’d call into the canteen for tea on the way back. There’s no sugar though. You could have a look for some if you’re going out today James. I didn’t bring you a drink, Felix is in the canteen. He’s been looking for you. He said he’d sort you out a cup of coffee.”

“I’d better go then. Take good care of him Susan.”

“You know that I will.”

~00Q~

James and Felix wandered up Cock Lane keeping a watchful eye out for ferals. It had been quiet so far; they’d seen just a handful of them at the end of Fleet Street that they’d easily avoided by switching to the back roads. The men didn’t speak much. It wasn’t because they didn’t get on, more because they wanted to remain as quiet as possible to avoid drawing attention to themselves. It was an easy silence though. James liked Felix. James had a map in the plastic wallet that hung from his neck and he glanced down at it. He would have to refold it soon to show the next section of streets after the big hospital which was just up ahead.

“Car park coming up on the left. Stay sharp.” He muttered.

“Roger that, brother.” Felix said just as quietly. James’s mouth twitched. Felix had a strange cadence and style of speaking that never failed to make him smile. His way with words tended to put people at ease. It was unusual but nice. They reached the carpark and James glanced in to see that it was locked with metal gates pulled across the driveway. They carried on.

“Down the end of the road, we turn left to pass a hospital called St Bartholomew’s. We can skirt that and go straight to the Barbican Estate where Villiers was heading.”

“It’s a shame we don’t know the exact route they took. It might have made this easier.” Felix commented.

James nodded his agreement. It would have. They had a rough idea as search teams tended to stick to main roads in areas where there weren’t many residential properties but having to divert to avoid the ferals earlier had altered their course. Maybe they could go via the full length of Fleet Street on the way back, James mused. Look for signs there. They reached the end of Cock Lane and split up, each of them approaching the junction cautiously to peer around the corners. There was no movement so they paired up again to move on.

“There’s a park just ahead,” James said, “When we reach it, we’ll need to follow the road around to the right of it.”

“Understood.”

They walked down Giltspur Street as they neared the little park Felix hesitated.

“What is…” James started to ask but Felix raised his hand quickly, cutting him off. He turned as if he was going to say something – or maybe just look behind them again – and swore just as a blood-curdling scream rang out from behind them.

“Fuck! RUN!”

They set off at a sprint, James not bothering to look behind himself. The mob they’d seen heading down Fleet Street must have changed direction. James cursed their bad luck as they raced down the street.

“Park!” Felix snapped and James followed without questioning. They would never beat the ferals in a straight footrace but if they could hide, they had a chance of them losing interest and moving on. Ferals could be vicious but as Q had pointed out when they were on the boat, they could also be really stupid. 

They barrelled into the park and looked around themselves. There was an impressive memorial in the centre which they ran straight past to a line of overgrown bushes by the outer railings. They threw themselves in behind them and flattened themselves to the ground. James’s took his fitness very seriously but even he was feeling winded. He struggled to resist the instinct to gasp for breath and instead made himself draw in slow and easy breaths, forcing his heartrate to slow. After a few minutes he slowly turned his head, intending to scope out their would-be attackers.

“Still here.” Felix breathed, softening the sound of his letter ‘s’ to reduce the possibility that he was overhead. “They followed us in here.”

“What now?” James asked.

“Other side of the railings. There’s a drop. Looks like to underground parking.”

“How big a drop?”

“Twenty-five? Thirty feet? Should be doable.”

“On three?”

“One… two… _three!_ ”

They both sprang to their feet, to another volley of screams from their pursuers. Felix grabbed the railings and vaulted them. He then dropped, letting his hands slide down the metal poles long enough to control his decent before letting go and dropping to the road below. James went follow using the same technique but something must have caught on the railings – a pocket flap, a strap, he didn’t know – and it put him off balance so he tumbled to the road uncontrolled. He managed to get his feet below him but he hit the ground at an angle and his right leg snapped on impact above the ankle with a sickening jolt of pain. He cried out and then found himself lying prone on the tarmac.

“James! Are you okay?”

Despite his painful landing James immediately tried to get up, grunting as his injured leg refused to take any of his weight.

“Fuck it! Bloody fuck it all to hell!”

Felix tried to get him up again.

“Come on brother. We need to move. We might have fooled them for now but they still might find their way down here by accident. Lean on me.”

“It’s no good.” James responded. “I can’t… _fuck!”_ There was another jolt of agony from his leg and his vision threatened to darken for a moment. He gritted his teeth against the light-headedness. “Leave me, I’ll cover you.”

“Like fuck you will!” Felix growled. “Get UP!” With a monumental effort he got James up onto his one good foot. “This way. I got a plan.”

Instead of heading further into the carpark, Felix dragged James to a transit van that had been left in one of the parking spaces facing them. He propped James up against it and then quickly picked the lock on the back door. He tugged it open and then bundled James inside before climbing in after him and closing the door. There were a couple of windows high up in the back doors which let in enough light for them to see. The van must have belonged to a handy man. There were pots of paint with brushes and rollers. A pile of dustsheets and a bag of tools. Various lengths of wood and sheets of plasterboard ran along one wall. They didn’t stop to examine any of that though as Felix helped James to lie down.

“They might have seen us come in here.” Felix said quietly, helping James to stretch his injured leg out. “So, we’re just going to have to wait it out. See if we can’t do something for this leg of yours while we wait.”

James nodded. His whole leg felt like it was on fire and he realised grimly that it was wet. He told Felix.

“It looks all twisted to hell. The bone has probably punctured the skin. I’m going to have to straighten it out now or you’ll never walk right again. Can you keep quiet while I do it?”

James looked around himself before deciding to take off his belt. He folded it twice.

“Do it.” He told Felix before biting down on it.


	6. Haven - part 6

It was dark when James awoke and he was alone. He tried to move and his leg suddenly burst into agony. He groaned softly. He managed to sit up and feel down his leg. His boot was still on but Felix had taken two pieces of the wood that had been left in the van and used them to splint his lower leg. He’d wrapped torn lengths from the dust sheets around it and everything felt tightly bound but James knew that there was no way he’d be able to put any weight on it. He laid back down shakily and ran a hand over his forehead. He felt uncomfortably warm.

He wondered where Felix was. If he’d had any sense, he’d have headed back to Vauxhall the first chance he got. James felt down his hip. His pistol was still there in its holster. He reached out to the side of him and found his MP5SF lying next to him. James frowned. Felix shouldn’t have left it. He could have used it to protect himself on the way home. He heard a noise outside the van so he withdrew his pistol in case he was discovered.

The back door suddenly swung open and Felix was there, grinning, holding a pair of crutches and a handful of small boxes and bottles.

“Going to shoot me, James?”

James put the gun back in his holster and laughed softly. Felix came in and shut the door.

“I almost had your bollocks off.” He told him. “What are you doing here? You should be back at Vauxhall by now.”

“Well, that’s a nice welcome, I must say.” Felix said, handing James a bottle of water. “Despite your earlier insistence, I did not feel the urge to desert you. I’ve been looking around the hospital over the road. The main pharmacy was ransacked but I found you these on one of the wards.”

“What are they?” James asked.

“Antibiotics and some painkillers. The groovy kind. A couple of those and I’ll bet you’d be good to go. I also got you these,” he added, holding up the crutches, “We can adjust them to your height and then get your ass back home to your boy Alec.”

James was about to speak when Felix added;

“Whatever suggestion you’re about to make; know this. I ain’t leaving you behind, brother. We both make it or neither of us do.”

“Okay.” James said, sagging. He realised he wasn’t going to win the argument. “Thank you.” 

“Okay. Now, that’s cleared up, I found these.” Felix reached into his pocket and drew out several chocolate bars. “Eat a couple of these to get your energy up while the painkillers kick in and then we’ll get going. It ain’t going to be easy but we are going to make it.”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” James asked.

“Eve would have my ass.” Felix replied.

James fumbled two of the painkillers out of their blister pack and one of the antibiotics. He washed them down with some of the water before eating one of the chocolate bars. As he chewed, he thought about what Felix had just said. _Eve would have his ass_. Not Alec. Not his partner who’d been with him since he first awoke. He wondered what that said about Eve. Or the man who professed to love him.

Felix slipped out of the van again as James finished eating and then put his head back in.

“Ready? Let’s get those crutches adjusted and then be on our way.”

It took a matter of minutes to get everything sorted out. The crutches were quickly lengthened to James’s height and then Felix helped him reattached his MP5SF to his harness. He unzipped his vest so he could tuck it in. It wasn’t ideal but it would stop it swinging as James moved and leave it close enough to be used quickly. Once James was set Felix reached back into the van and took out the dust-sheets, quickly folding them and throwing them over his shoulder.

“What are they for?” James asked.

“Insurance,” was all Felix would say.

James’s broken leg was throbbing like merry hell by the time they’d made it up the ramp to street level again. They looked about. There was no sign of ferals so they slowly walked back down the road that they’d sprinted up a few hours before.

~00Q~

James’s body was a roadmap of scars from previous injuries so he had no doubt that he’d felt pain before but without a point of reference the agony in his ankle quickly became monstrous. The painkillers took the edge off it but he was wary of taking more as his head was already swimming if he turned it too quickly. They set off at a decent pace but by the time they reached Blackfriars Bridge he was starting to flag. It had taken them just over an hour to get there at an easy pace the day before but James thought they would be lucky to get back to Vauxhall by dusk at the rate they were going. They reached the end of the bridge and James’s vision doubled for a moment. He paused, bowing his head.

“James?” Felix’s voice was soft.

“Minute, give me a minute.”

“We’re too exposed.” Felix said gently. “Keep going brother. Get to the other end of the bridge and then we can find somewhere to sit a while.”

James nodded and then got moving again determinedly. He managed another hundred metres or so and then stopped by a small seating area in the middle of the bridge.

“I’m okay.” He said, more to himself than Felix, as he leaned over onto his crutches. He felt uncomfortably hot. Like he’d been running a marathon. “I can do this. I can do this.”

_“Shit!”_

James looked up at Felix’s expletive to see what had caused it. At the other end of the bridge a mob of a dozen ferals were approaching.

“Time to see if my lame-assed plan works!” Felix exclaimed. “James, lie down! As close to the benches as you can!” 

Felix grabbed his elbow and helped him to do as he’d asked. He lay on his side and tucked his crutches up against him as Felix laid in front of him. He quickly shook out the dust sheets and laid them over them both. 

“Hopefully they won’t realise we’re under here.” He said, drawing out his side arm. James did the same and rested his head on his bicep. After a couple of minutes, he found himself starting to drowse…

~00Q~

“Hey man. You okay?”

James snapped awake at Felix gently shaking him.

“They’re gone. They didn’t see us.” 

James nodded as Felix pulled him up into a seated position.

“Are you okay?” He repeated, more slowly.

James looked around, trying to orientate himself. They were on the bridge, by some benches and they were going home. His mouth felt woolly and his head was pounding but that paled into insignificance compared to the agony in his ankle. It was tight. Everything below the knee was tight and red hot and felt full of splintered glass. He shook his head. He didn’t think he was anywhere close to being okay.

“Hey. It’s alright. Take these.”

Felix handed James another three pills and James took them, swallowing them dry before accepting a bottle of water from him and taking a swig.

“We need to keep moving. We’re exposed, remember?”

James nodded. He did remember something about that but his head was lolling and it was difficult to concentrate. When Felix slipped his hands in under his armpits to get him up onto the bench behind him, James pushed with his good leg to help him. Once upright, Felix cupped his jaw with his hand, looking at him closely.

“Oh brother. You are so totally fucked.”

James knew that. He felt like a marionette with half his strings cut.

“Leave me.” He croaked.

“Not on your life.” Felix said. “Never going to happen.”

~00Q~

They walked along the side of the river. There was a bird singing somewhere and the trees cast a soothing shadow over them. There were benches and James squinted, unsure of where they were exactly. It was okay though. Felix knew. Felix would guide them. He loped along on his crutches. The pain had retreated a little and he felt like he was floating. It was almost nice but he was too hot and the sun was too bright and the broken glass in his leg was shifting every time he moved.

He blinked and then he was on the floor and his leg was screaming and his face was bleeding, smarting from hitting the paving below him. Irrationally he thought of his dream, of Q dancing in the face of danger and then Felix was pulling him up, just like he had on the bridge.

“C’mon man!” He hissed. “Keep it together.”

“We need to keep him safe.” James muttered.

“Yeah?” Felix asked. “Well, we need to keep moving first. Can you do that James? Can you get your ass back to Vauxhall?”

“I fell over.” James said, suddenly realising.

“You fell over,” Felix agreed, “and now you’re going to get up again, okay?”

James nodded.

~00Q~

They had to hide again. Dropping to the floor, Felix quickly covering them with the sheets to disguise their forms. 

Felix drew out his gun but James didn’t. It didn’t occur to him as he concentrated fiercely on staying awake. The gang of ferals drew near and James was filled with a sudden longing for it all to be over. He could sit up. Let the ferals take him and give Felix a chance to escape…

He closed his eyes as he heard their ragged breathing and the sheet was tugged as one of them shuffled over the corner of it but they stayed covered. He whimpered; he couldn't help it. He was so tired… in so much pain…

Felix reached back cautiously and groped around until he could take James’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. It was such a small act but it brought tears to James’s eyes. He rested his head on the concrete pavement and drifted away…

~00Q~

He fell again. He must have. He found himself sitting on different stretch of pavement, propped up against the side of a building. Felix was crouched down beside him, his hand cupping his jaw. He said something but James couldn’t hear him, the blood was pounding in his ears too loudly. Felix handed him some more pills and James swallowed them dry. He drank some water too. He was so tired, so thirsty and pain in his leg was a constant scream now.

Felix tried to get him up but it upset James’s delicate equilibrium and he vomited before slumping down again. There was a sharp pain in his cheek and he realised disjointedly that Felix had slapped him across the face.

“No, you _don’t_ James!” Felix hissed, slapping him again. “You get up, right now! You stay with me! Come on!”

Felix took double handfuls of James’s vest and hauled him back up. This time James managed to get the crutches in under himself.

“Now _move_ it brother!” Felix told him.

James moved.

~00Q~

By the time they reached Vauxhall, Felix was carrying one of the crutches and most of James. James was trying to help, he really was, but he kept fading in and out of consciousness. Felix was cursing, a non-stop litany of expletives that seemed to be some kind of pep-talk for himself.

-goddamnweighsatonuselessmother _fucker_ youcandothisyougoddamnassholebeefedupcocksucking-

James wanted to sit down, he wanted to have a drink and he wanted everything to stop hurting, just for a moment. He’d be alright if it would all just stop for a moment. Instead he struggled on, leaning heavily on Felix and clinging onto consciousness as they approached the distinctive green and sand-coloured building that they called home.

There was a shout and James tensed, ready to drop to the floor again but Felix hauled him on.

“Not this time, James. Stay with me.”

A moment later a man ran towards them. James squinted at him.

“Sebastian?” He queried.

Ronson took the crutch off James and positioned himself under James’s arm opposite Felix.

“I saw you coming.” He said. “There’s a group of six or seven ferals headed this way from further up the riverside. We need to be quick.”

With Felix and Sebastian taking most of his weight, James was all but carried to one of the side-doors. He tried to lift his leg but his injured foot kept scraping on the floor. He moaned at the renewed fiery pain.

“I know, I know.” Felix soothed. “It’ll soon be over.”

They got into the cool, dimness of the building and Felix supported James alone while Sebastian closed and firmly bolted the door behind them. He wrapped James’s arm around his neck again and they went to the nearest stairwell. It was no easy task to get up the three flights to Medical’s level and once they were there all three men were sweating and out of breath. James’s wasn’t down to exertion alone though, he thought. He was feverish, burning up. Despite Felix’s best efforts James’s leg must have become infected when it broke. 

As they dragged him in through the double doors of the unit he finally sagged. He’d fought to stay awake until that point but he simply had nothing else left to give. He was vaguely aware of being sat down on the side of a bed and then Susan was there talking to him.

“James? Can you hear me? We’re going to take your kit off you and then you can lie down. Then we’re going to have a look at your leg. Can you stay sitting for me for another two minutes?”

James looked up at her face and then at the two men who’d carried him in.

“Do you know what? I don’t think I can.” He managed to say, before everything greyed out and the world went sideways.


	7. Home - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is in Medical while Q has been finding out about himself.

James awoke to bright sunlight and a cool breeze coming in through the window to his left. He was lying on his back and his right leg felt heavy and constricted. He looked down himself to see it had been wrapped in thick bandages and was suspended by some kind of metal framework at the other end of the bed. There was movement besides him and he looked over to see Susan walking over, a smile on her face.

“James. You’re awake! How are you feeling?” She asked.

“I think I’m okay but I’m guessing that I’m on a lot of drugs.” He said cautiously.

She poured out a cup of water from the jug by his bed and popped a straw in it. 

“That is true.” She admitted. “You are. Here. Your mouth must feel as dry as a chip.”

As soon as James sucked on the straw, he realised how right she was. He tried to drink greedily.

“Easy there. I don’t want you being sick on me. Sip it slowly and you can have another in a few minutes.”

He slowed down and she let him finish the cup.

“How long have I been here?” He asked.

“Three days, more or less.”

“So long?” James wondered.

“You were out of it when you got here. The compound fracture in your lower leg was showing signs of infection. Felix did a good job of straightening it out and finding you some antibiotics but they weren’t really strong enough. We’ve had you on an intravenous solution since you got here. It’s a good job too. Without it you might have lost your leg.”

“Shit…” James breathed. The thought had never occurred to him.

“Look. I’m going to be honest with you,” she continued, sitting on the side of the mattress and taking his hand, “you still might lose it but we’re doing all we can to prevent that and Kressler says that…”

“I’m sorry. What?” James cut in, astonished. “Doctor _Kressler_? I thought he was dead. Lost. When did he come back?”

“I never went away.” A voice said from the end of the bed. James looked to see Susan’s erstwhile assistant ‘Richard’ standing there. “Not physically, anyway.”

“You were his catalyst, James.”

“How on earth could I have been your catalyst?” James asked.

“It was your injury.” Richard… no, not Richard, _Kressler_ said.

“Your leg was a mess.” Susan said. “I didn’t know what to do. According to my notes I was a GP with a little bit of surgical experience from when I was an Army medic. I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I’ll be honest, I was almost getting ready to amputate there and then…”

“…but I just _knew_ that was the wrong decision.” Kressler interjected. “I told Susan it would be better to clean the wound and then try traction to ease the pressure on the damaged area first… although I couldn’t remember the name for it…”

“He kept saying that he wanted to put your leg in a stretcher. I didn’t know what the hell he meant…”

“…but then Susan brought out some of her books and I found a section on orthopaedics and I _knew_ everything. I knew all of it as soon as I read it!”

“But why didn’t you get reminded before?” James asked, confused. “You’ve been working here in Medical all the time that I can remember.”

“I think I know the answer to that.” Susan said. “Hardly anyone has broken a bone or had a major orthopaedic trauma since the illness. The only occasion I can think of was when Felix broke his wrist a couple of months ago but that was just a fracture. I don’t think Kressler was even working in here that day…”

“… Yours is the first major injury I’ve seen and it just… started to bring everything back.” Kressler said.

“Well I’m glad it was of some use to someone.” James said dryly.

James managed to stay awake for an hour or so but he was still exhausted. Susan took his temperature and it was still abnormally high due to the infection that was ravaging his leg. She drew the privacy curtains around his bed and stripped him before washing him down with a cloth soaked in warm water. It was soothing and as his skin dried it seemed to take some of the heat with it. She laid a single sheet over him afterwards and he fell into a deep sleep.

It was dusk when he woke again and his partner was there.

“Hello sailor.” Alec said. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” James admitted. “But I’ll recover.”

“Will you?” Alec said, his face expressionless.

“Hopefully. I mean, my leg’s fucked but we’ve got ourselves an orthopaedic surgeon now.” He grinned but his smile wasn’t returned.

Alec looked him up and down.

“What will you do if you lose it?” He asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you lose your leg.” Alec said. “You won’t be able to patrol. Or fight.”

James suddenly realised what Alec as getting at.

“Fuck…” He marvelled. “This is like Billy all over again, isn’t it? You think if I lost it, I’d be useless, don’t you?”

“Wouldn’t you?” Alec asked. “We’re finding more people every week. This place won’t house many more. Eve needs to start making difficult choices. Keep the strong, let the weak go. For the greater good. Don’t worry though, I could come with you. We could find somewhere else that’s safe to live in. Just the two of us. I could look after you.”

“The greater good?” James parroted, incredulous. “You’re talking about murder! You know some of the people here would never survive on their own. What about compassion Alec? What about standing together? If this building gets too small, we find another! We clear out the tower next door! We stay as a community! We don’t allow all this to turn back into a fucking society who don’t care for their weak!”

“It might be what we need to do to survive!” Alec insisted.

“Then I want no part of it!” James shouted.

“If you lose your leg, you might not have a choice James.” Alec said and James saw that he actually looked sad as he said it, like it was inevitable.

“Oh, fuck off.” James spat.

“I hope you recover. I really do.” Alec said quietly. “I just want you to know that I’ll take care of you whatever happens...”

James watched, dumbfounded, as Alec left the department. He couldn’t believe it. He knew that Alec had always had a problem with the people at Vauxhall who were less able than others but for him to assume that James would become some kind of liability... he couldn’t understand what had got into him.

He gazed out of the window. He was too low in the bed to see the skyline of London or the river below but he could see the clouds in the sky and feel the breeze as it cooled with the approach of evening. It was comforting and peaceful. After a while he was visited by Conroy who wondered if he might feel up to eating something. He wasn’t sure he was but said he would try so she headed off to the canteen to see what they had to offer.

A few minutes later he looked over to see the young man that he’d saved, Q, had come into the room. He scanned the room and smiled when he saw James watching. As he approached, James saw that he was holding his left hand up to his chest. It was wrapped in a torn, bloody piece of rag.

“Hello James! How are you feeling?”

“Compared to this morning when I woke up; better, thank you.” James asked. “Compared to how I normally feel; fucking awful. What have you done to yourself?”

Q glanced at his hand.

“Silly thing. A screwdriver I was using slipped. Gouged my palm a good’un. Eve told me I should come and see Susan. Get it cleaned and see if I need it stitched.”

“Screwdriver, eh? What have you been up to?”

“When I was recovering from the bump to my head, Susan told me that the lights and equipment don’t work in here because most of the generators for this part of the building had gone off-line. I asked Eve and she said I could have a look at them after we cleared all the stuff out of my old camp.”

“Oh. how did that go?” James asked.

“Really well. Alec was expecting the place to be overrun with biters after the other day but we didn’t see a single one and we made three trips with the boat.” He looked down at James’s leg. “Alec must have been so upset when he found out that you’d been hurt. He only wanted you to be safe.”

“What do you mean?” 

Q’s cheeks pinked up, as if realising he’d said something that he shouldn’t.

“Oh. I thought you knew. Eve asked Alec to go with the other man… Felix, is it?” James nodded, “… but he asked her to ask you instead. He thought that the two of you going out to look for the lost team would be safer than going to a place that they knew had been crawling with biters.”

“He didn’t tell me.” James said quietly.

“You’ll be okay though, won’t you?” Q asked, looking upset. “I mean, it will get better.”

“I don’t know.” James admitted. “The doctors still think there’s a chance I might lose it.”

“Oh no.” Q said sadly. “Still, if that happens, I’m sure we could find a hospital somewhere in the city that specialised in prostheses… I could maybe even design one for you. I’d have to put some articulation in the ankle but I’d bet you could still walk or even run after some practice…”

“Q. _Q_.” James smiled, cutting him off mid-flow. “Much as I appreciate the offer, how about I concentrate on getting this one better first?”

Q blushed then and laughed and that feeling that James had on the day they’d met was back. That joyful tug somewhere deep inside of him. Q was beautiful when he laughed.

“What’s all this? People invading my department and having fun the moment my back is turned?” Conroy joked as she carried a tray to the table next to James’s bed. Q held up his injured hand.

“Another patient for you, I’m afraid doctor.” He said ruefully. “Although I do have something for you to reward you for your time.”

“Oh, you do, do you?” She asked.

With a big grin on his face Q leaned over the head of James’s bed and flipped a switch. The wall-mounted angle-poised lamp above him suddenly shone brightly. Conroy clapped her hands and laughed.

“Oh, you clever thing! How did you do that?”

“I spent most of this afternoon with a torch in the bowels of the building hunting down breakers and redundancy switches. I’ve got most of the power sources back online. Eve didn’t want me to leave the fuel-based systems on to save resources but the emergency lights and a few of the departments, such as Medical run purely on solar power. I think with a bit of time I could convert the whole building actually.”

Conroy flung her arms around him and kissed his cheek.

“For that, I won’t even complain about you injuring yourself. Give me a minute and I’ll get your hand sorted out for you.” She hunted around the head of James’s bed again and flicked a switch. She then used the control panel looped over the guardrail to raise the bed, and James, into a seated position. “There you go James.” She said, pushing the little table over his lap. “Try to eat something.”

She took Q off to the triage area at the other end of the department as James inspected his meal. There was a sandwich made with fresh homemade bread and tinned ham, a bowl of soup that looked like leek and potato, a small plastic-wrapped packet of biscuits and a cup of orange squash. James picked up the spoon and started to eat the soup. It was really good but his stomach rebelled at it. He only managed a couple of spoonful’s before he had to stop. He settled back and closed his eyes.

“Finished already?”

He opened them again to see Q approaching.

“I might say the same.” James replied.

Q held up his hand which now had a small pad taped across it.

“A liberal dousing with the most painful antiseptic fluid known to man, no stitches required, a bit of taping and I’m as right as rain.” He looked at James’s barely touched meal. “Was that not nice?” He asked.

“It was nice,” James said, “but my stomach didn’t share the view.”

“Maybe you’ll feel more like it when Alec gets here. He is coming to keep you company this evening, isn’t he?”

“I shouldn’t think so.” James admitted. “He hates it in here.”

“That’s not the point.” Q said, frowning. “He should be here looking after you anyway.”

“He’s…” James started, “…we’re not like that. We don’t fuss over each other.”

“It’s not a matter of ‘fussing’ James, it’s a matter of showing someone that you care. Do you see this?” He held up his right hand. On his fourth finger he wore a plain gold band. “I don’t remember anything about this ring, but I have a strong feeling that it was significant. The school had an extensive library and I found a book on wedding traditions. Did you know that gay men sometimes wore wedding rings on their right hands instead of the left?” He dropped his head, examining the ring. “I think I lost my husband in the pandemic. I’d do anything to know who he was. To be with him again. It just makes me so angry to see anyone take their partner for granted now.”

“I’m not sure he’s going to be my partner for much longer.” James admitted. “We just had one hell of a fight.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Q said sadly. “Well, would you like me to stay instead? I could bring some food up here and eat with you.”

James was about to say no but Q looked so hopeful he couldn’t.

“That sounds great.” He said.

Q dashed off which gave Susan enough time to check James’s vitals and nag at him about not eating enough before he got back. When he returned, he also had a sandwich.

“I got the last egg sandwich.” He explained. “I saw that you hadn’t touched your ham one. Do you want to swap?”

One of the teams had brought back a couple of live chickens a few weeks before. They laid regularly but their eggs were in great demand. James wasn’t sure how Q had managed to have such an honour bestowed on him so soon after joining them so he asked him.

“Oh, I fixed one of the ranges in the kitchen this morning. The chef was very thankful.” Q said, putting his plate in front of James. “I also told them that I wanted it for you.” He added.

James had to admit, the new sandwich was a bit more appealing than the one that Conroy had given him so he picked up one half of it and cautiously bit into it. It was good and when he swallowed, this time, his stomach seemed to agree. Q smiled as he watched.

“That’s the way. Eat it slowly , just in case. You won’t be able to build yourself up if you don’t eat.”

“Yes mother.” James mock-grumbled.

“I never met your mother, but I’m sure she was a fine woman. I’ll take that as a compliment,” said Q, starting to eat one of the ham sandwiches.

James chuckled.

“Please do.”

~00Q~

With the power restored to Medical, the next day an altogether too excited (in James’s opinion) Kressler and Conroy managed to take x-rays of the break in James’s leg. They’d found the user manual to the equipment the previous evening, they’d said, and although neither of them could work out how to save the images, they had worked out enough to be able to see what was going on with the bone on the integrated computer screen. James thought the breaks looked vicious but even he had to admit, the set was pretty straight. 

“I was worried that I might have had to break it again and then reset it,” Kressler admitted, “but this is great. You’ll probably end up with a bit of a bump on your shin, but everything’s pretty well aligned. We just need to beat the infection.”

James didn’t really share Kressler’s optimism at that. He was still feverish and he realised that it was still early days but he felt impatient to just get _better._ After the x-ray the doctors redressed the wound between them. It still looked hideous to James, all red infection and white raw edges between the stitches he’d been given, but they seemed happy enough, assuring him that it was getting better. Conroy washed it out with some kind of fluid and then examined it closely, a felt tipped pen in her hand.

“I don’t think there’s any sign of an abscess - but then there’s only one photograph of an example in the books I’ve got – I’ll marked the range of the infection. Hopefully it will start receding soon.”

James stared at the ceiling while she drew on his leg before bandaging it up again. They seemed to sense that he didn’t want to talk any more. When they were done, Conroy patted his hip and left him to it. He gazed out of the window again. There were more clouds in the sky but it was still warm. He wondered what he should have been doing that day. If the pandemic had never hit, where would he have been. He thought about Q’s ring. The husband that he thought he’d lost even though he had no memory of him. For the first time, James found himself wondering what the odds had been that Alec and James has stayed together throughout all the chaos. A single photograph was scant proof of a relationship but James had jumped at it. Maybe it was instinct. A desire to be loved… A bird flew past the window and James wished he could follow it. He wondered what life was like outside of the city. They were doing okay for now but resources would grow thin, they would need more space to grow food. They would need to find more livestock. Find a way to replace the medicines that would one day run out.

He must have drifted off to sleep. One minute he was pondering the fate of the little community at Vauxhall and the next _he was running down one of the dark corridors in the basement of the building. Q was ahead of him and James was laughing and it was exhilarating to run so fast in the gloom but it was also terrifying not knowing what was in the darkness ahead. Every so often Q would turn around and laugh back at him. “Come on slowcoach! It’s just around the corner!”_

_“What is?” James kept asking._

_“Everything!” was the joyful reply._

~00Q~

Eve came to see him on her way to get her evening meal. She was in one of her pretty dresses again and had brought Bill with her. James was feeling woolly and hot but he smiled when she stood by the side of his bed.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Fucked.” He replied honestly.

“You look it.” She said, smoothing her hand over his forehead. “Rest. I’m sure you’ll be feeling better soon enough.”

“I’m not sure anything will be be soon enough.”

“No. I suppose not. Well, as far as I’m concerned, you’re allowed to take all the time you need. As a reward for finding Q.”

“I’m sorry?”

“He’s only been out of Medical himself for a couple of days, and in that time, he’s made so many improvements around here. Did you hear that he managed to get all of the generators working? After how many people had fiddled with them before him?”

“I heard he was repairing things in the kitchens too.”

“He was. I was going to put him on the search team rota, but I’d rather like to see what else he can find in here first. He spent the afternoon in the basement today…”

“He did what?” James asked, the cobwebs of his dream weaving themselves around him again.

“When he got the solar generators back online, he realised there were key parts of the building that were being powered by them. There was Medical, a suite of offices on the sixth floor, your quarters included, what seems to have been the detention centre on the second floor and a large part of the basement. All the doors were sealed down there but now the power is back on, Q was going to see if he could get into any of the rooms. Who knows what’s down there?”

“Indeed…” James said.

Bill tugged on Eve’s arm and she smiled.

“I almost forgot; Billy has something for you!”

Bill placed a small bundle of white cotton material on the table to the side of James. He tugged it open to reveal half a dozen red fruits.

“Strawberries?” James queried.

“They’re just starting to ripen. He wanted you to be one of the first to try them. You’ll need to be careful though. Apparently, some people are quite violently allergic to them.”

“Charming!” James joked as he picked the smallest one up. He nibbled on it and the tart flavour flooded his mouth. It was beautiful and didn’t seem to be affecting him adversely so he took a bigger bite. “My God, Billy. These things are delicious!”

Bill stood there grinning.

“That’s one of the advantages of our current situation, I suppose.” Eve said. “Strawberries are a common enough fruit. You’ve probably eaten them a hundred times before. Think of all of the other wonderful things you’ll get to try again for the first time…”

She leaned over and kissed James’s cheek.

“Get well soon, James. We’ll come and visit again, I promise.”

James thought he might drift off to sleep again but a few minutes after Eve and Billy left, Q came barrelling in. James pushed up onto his elbows and frowned. Q looked stressed, panicked almost. He looked around frantically and looked like he was going to run straight back when James called out to him.

“Q? _Q!”_

He hesitated and then came over.

“Have you seen Eve? I need to speak to her.” He voice was high in his agitation.

“Come here, sweetheart.” James put his hand out to Q, realising that it was the second time he’d called Q that. It wasn’t a word that James ever remembered using prior to meeting Q but it felt natural with him. He patted the mattress next to him. “Sit for a moment and tell me what’s wrong.”

Q did as he was told and as he sat, James could see he was shivering.

“I need Eve.” He repeated.

“She’ll be in the canteen having dinner with Bill. Leave her for a while, let her have a break. She does so much for us.”

“I know, I just…” Q’s eyes filled with tears, “I found something and I don’t know what it means…”

He looked distraught so James pushed himself fully up and wrapped his arms round him.

“Calm down. Just breathe.”

Q sagged into James’s arms and eventually the trembling eased off. James nuzzled his face into Q’s hair and his eyes slid shut as the smelt the soap he’d washed it in and underneath, Q’s own scent. Just like the first time James had held him, the smell was warm and comforting to him. He stroked Q’s back, wondering what in hell had upset him so badly.

“Do you want to tell me?” He asked gently.

“Downstairs.” Q whispered into the side of James’s neck, sending little shivers through him. “I got through one of the locked doors. There was a room. It had dozens of desks, all facing a main computer terminal that had a huge screen…” He shuddered again and James made no attempt to move, patiently waiting for Q to say what he needed to. “… it also had a palm scanner. The power’s back on so I laid my hand on it. There was a voice…”

He tapered off and when it seemed apparent that he wasn’t going to continue James gently prompted him;

“What did it say?”

“It said; _Welcome, Quartermaster, please state your credentials.”_

James sat back so he could see Q’s face.

“That means that you’re one of us.” James said, incredulous. “That’s fantastic news. The Q on your wrist must stand for quartermaster…”

“But it’s not good at all.” Q insisted. “I combed through the whole room and there’s nothing. There was an office to one side. Nothing. Other people left notes. I’ve heard all about them. Conroy’s notebook. Moneypenny’s printouts. Dozens of people leaving breadcrumb trails to lead themselves back to themselves all over this building… their identities. Their families. Their… their _loved ones_. If I worked here, why didn’t I leave anything?”

It suddenly dawned on James why Q was so upset. He’d found out that he belonged with them and for one precious moment he’d thought he’d find out his name and about the man he was convinced he’d lost. James pondered it for a moment.

“Moneypenny’s notes weren’t hand written.” He said slowly, thinking it over. “She must have typed them on the computer and printed them out before she sickened. Maybe you did the same but you didn’t have time to… no, wait.” Something occurred to him. “You weren’t here, were you? You were found near to where we met.”

“I was,” Q said softly. “A few streets away from there apparently. Still confused from the sickness.”

“Then you must have been at home when you fell ill. Say you had a notebook, something that you wrote everything down in, you’d want to keep that close to you. Maybe you went home for something. Something was there that was important to you. You went home for it and you took your notes with you.”

“And I was still at home when I fell ill.” Q said quietly. “And when I woke up, I was delirious but I somehow got out of the house and wandered off…”

“Where your friends found you. Did they ever tell you the name of the street they found you in?”

“No but it was near a park.”

“Did you ever go there?”

“Once. But I didn’t recognise anything. No déjà vu. Not like when I first walked in here. I don’t think they found me near my house…” He said glumly.

“But it’s something to go on. Not all of the houses have been searched in that area. You could ask Eve to be included with her team when they go back over there.” James smiled at him. “There is hope yet.”

Q smiled back at him, and James was struck again by what a lovely face he had. Time seemed to freeze for a moment and then Q leaned in. The first touch of their lips was so soft. Apparently encouraged by James not pulling away, Q kissed him again. He leaned in and seemed to melt into James, countless gentle kisses merging as James sighed and held him close. It was unlike anything James could remember. Alec had never kissed him like this, slowly and smoothly and undemandingly. Q’s tongue licked over James's mouth and he opened it, pushing back with his own tongue. Far, far too soon, Q pulled away. His cheeks were pink.

“Sorry,” he said, licking his lips, “that was all very forward of me. I shouldn’t have done that. You’re still poorly.” 

James’s head was spinning but he was sure it had nothing to do with his high temperature.

“It’s fine.” He croaked.

Q ran his fingers through the hair at James’s temple.

“What must you think of me? I came here upset that I didn’t have all the answers that I wanted… you have a partner…” he reached out and touched James’s lips with a single finger. James instinctively kissed it. “But I couldn’t resist.”

“I keep dreaming about you.” James admitted.

“Do you? Well, I suppose now that we must have known each other before.” Q replied. “I just wish I could remember.”

“Me too.” James’s head lolled slightly and Q noticed.

“Oh no, you’ve been sitting up for too long. Lie down.”

James laid back, Q still holding him and helping to ease him down. His head swam and he frowned. He was annoyed that something so simple as sitting up should make him feel so rough. He shivered, suddenly boiling hot again.

“Fuck it.” He muttered, pushing at the sheet that covered him.

“Let me help you.” Q said. He disappeared and came back with a bowl of water. Just as Conroy had, Q took out a damp cloth and drew down the sheet so he could wipe it over James’s chest. James sighed, feeling fatigue overwhelm him once again. He couldn’t even feel any excitement when Q completely removed the sheet to pass the cloth over his belly and thighs. By the time Q had finished and tucked the sheet back over him, James was mostly asleep, but not so asleep that he didn’t feel Q’s final kiss on his lips.


	8. Home - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is on the road to recovery and makes plans with Q.

When James awoke the following morning, he found that someone had laid a couple of blankets over him in the night. He was bundled up and felt quite cosy. Conroy came over to him when she saw him stirring.

“Good morning.” She laid her hand across his forehead as she spoke. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay.” James said. He frowned in concentration. “I think I might be feeling a bit better actually.”

“You had a disturbed couple of hours’ sleep in the night but when I checked on you at three o’clock your fever had broken and you felt quite cool. I think you might finally be on the mend.”

“Does that mean I can get out of here?” James immediately asked.

“In another week at least.” Susan replied, rolling her eyes. “The final decision will be down to Kressler though. Once he’s happy that the traction is no longer needed, we can see about getting your leg in a cast and then we can see about you getting up and about for short spells.”

Once she was sure he was comfortable enough she left him, just as Felix came into the room.

“Hey brother. How’s it?”

“Really good, all thanks to you. I’m on the mend apparently.” James grinned.

“And attracting the pretty boys I hear.”

“I’m what?” James asked, confused.

“There was a bit of a spat in the canteen last night. That new guy Q had a toe-to-toe shouting match with Alec. It was impressive, man. The kid’s got some balls on him.”

“What was it about?” James asked, a hint of worry in his voice. Q wouldn’t have been so stupid as to tell Alec that they’d kissed, would he?

“Not sure how it started but everyone sure as hell heard Q accusing him of abandoning you in here. He told him that he didn’t deserve you. What was that all about?”

“I told Q that Alec wouldn’t be visiting me. He can’t stand Medical or injuries or anything like that… you know what he’s like, he’s got a real phobia. Q’s sure that he lost someone to the sickness… someone he loved very much… and he was furious when I told him. He couldn’t understand why Alec wouldn’t want to spend every spare moment with me.” He chuckled. “Poor Alec.”

“ ‘Poor Alec’, my ass.” Felix growled. “Q’s got a goddamned point, standing up for you like that. Alec should be in here.”

“He…” James was about to defend Alec when it occurred to him that Q might actually be right. No matter what happened with James’s leg. No matter if it had made him disabled, Alec had told James that he loved him so why wasn’t he acting like it? He was about to defend Alec but then found that he couldn’t. Instead he said;

“You should see Q properly fighting. When we found him, he’d taken out a three ferals with a cricket bat.”

“Really? Shit…” Felix said, admiringly. “I’m down to do some training later in the gym with a couple of the boys. Maybe I should invite him along.”

“You should. He’d probably enjoy that. If you can drag him away from the basement for long enough.”

“I think I will. I got to meet that kid properly. In the meantime, brother, you concentrate on getting better.”

“I will.” James smiled. 

~00Q~

James negotiated the stairs down to the basement slowly, leaning on the bannister with one hand and holding his crutches in the other. It had been six long weeks since he’d broken his leg and he was steadily recovering but he was still getting used to moving around again. The infection that had threatened his leg had started to clear up properly after ten days, enabling Kressler to put James’s leg in a cast, which enabled James, in turn, to start taking short walks around Medical. Once he was up and about his fitness started to recover, albeit much slower than James wanted.

The infection might not have lasted but his relationship with Alec had. Just. Two days after Q had called him out in front of everyone in the canteen and, James noted, a day after it became common-knowledge that James was going to make a full recovery, Alec had come to Medical to apologise for his actions. James almost hadn’t accepted his apology but Alec had seemed genuinely remorseful, ashamed of what he’d said so in the end he’d told him he’d forgiven him. James wondered afterwards how much of it had been due to his love of Alec and how much was down to James simply not wanting to be left alone.

Speaking of being left alone, he'd barely seen anything of Q during his time in Medical. James had thought (and perhaps hoped) that Q might become a regular visitor but after the night they kissed, he'd become scarce. Maybe he’d been ashamed of coming on to James. Perhaps he’d decided to stay away and leave James to his relationship with Alec. James actually found that he’d missed Q but he understood and it certainly hadn’t stopped him from dreaming about him.

From what James had heard, along with opening up more parts of the basement, Q had spent the time since he’d last seen him making himself useful to almost everyone, whether it be by working with Billy on hydroponics for the crops, helping Eve to strategize for the coming winter or patrolling with Felix, it seemed there was nothing he couldn’t turn his hand to. James reached the bottom of the stairs and paused, sorting out his crutches. He had intended to just reach the basement and then immediately go back up to the top floor. He was trying to build up his fitness and the stairs had seemed like just enough of a challenge to get him sweating. Now he was there though, he thought it couldn’t hurt to have a look around. He moved slowly moved along the corridor and he hadn’t got more than ten feet when a familiar tousled head of hair popped out from one of the doorways further up.

“James!” Q exclaimed as he trotted up the corridor towards him. He was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans and he was covered in oily smudges from head to foot. He was wiping his hands on an oily rag but to James’s eyes he was smearing more on than he was taking off. “Felix said you were up and about! Are you here for the tour?”

“There’s a tour?” James asked with a smile.

“There is but only for V.I.P.s. By prior appointment.” Q said sadly. He leaned in conspiratorially and added in a loud whisper. “I’m sure I can squeeze you in though, if you'd like.”

James laughed and bowed his head.

“I’d be honoured.” He smiled.

Q stepped back and beckoned him.

“Come and see what I’m working on.”

Q walked slowly, checking to see that James was keeping up. He led the way back into the room that he’d come from. It was huge, easily a hundred metres long. Closest to the door, under a spotlight and raised up on a stand was a speedboat.

“Is that the one we used to come here on the day we met?” James asked.

Q shook his head.

“No, it’s a similar model I grant you. This one has a slightly larger engine which relies more heavily on the solar cells across the nose and the back.” Q seemed to consider what he’d just said. “If this is all my work in this room, there seems to be a great deal of emphasis on solar power…” He mused. “I wonder if we knew what was coming.”

“No luck in finding your notes then?”

“No. I think you were right on that score though. I think I went home for some reason and took my notes with me. I think they’re safe and sound in my house. If only I knew where that was.” He walked over to one of the dormant terminals that peppered the room. “These bloody things.” He said glumly. “Hardly a sheet of paper in the entire building. A few blueprints, a handful of notes… Everything else must have been on the computers and when the power went out… when our memories failed us… Like the palm-reader I found, without passwords they’re useless. I tried to break into the system, wondering if I could maybe, I don’t know, _instinctively_ remember how to do it. I couldn’t though. I just can’t remember enough of it.”

“You think there might be answers on there?”

“I do. Who we are... Who we were... Maybe we had disaster contingency plans... other facilities in the city. I’m not sure what good they’d do us now though.”

“Somewhere on there, we’d find out who our families were.” James said softly.

“Our loved ones.” Q replied. His head dropped for a moment and just for that moment, he looked so sad. Then he seemed to shake himself and smiled. “Would you like a cup of tea? I have a kettle and Felix has been bringing me back some really nice teas. I’ve got a new one, it’s called ‘Earl Grey’.”

“I’d love one.” James said.

Q trotted off to make it while James sat himself down on a stool that stood near to the main tool bench. He rested his crutches up against it and by the time he’s settled Q came back with two mugs. He handed one to him and then hopped up onto the bench, sitting in one of the clear sections. 

“Are you sure that your notes even exist? And if they do, would they be important?” James asked. “To the work down here, I mean?” Q blew across the top of his mug and then sipped on his tea as he considered the question.

“From what I know of myself, since the sickness, I’m a methodical person. I can’t see myself printing out a couple of pages last minute like Eve. I’m sure I would have left myself something more like the notebook that Susan has. I would have wanted to give myself answers. Maybe I would have realised that I was likely to lose my memory and I would have left myself passwords or clues to them…” He pondered that. “I think _that’s_ why I took them home with me. Because there was something sensitive in there… I wanted to keep them near me. Safe.”

“Then we need to find out where you lived, don’t we?” James asked. Q hummed in agreement and then took another sip of his tea. As he raised his hand, James noticed something. “You’re not wearing your ring.”

Q switched his mug to his other hand so he could flex his fingers, palm up.

“I didn’t want to damage it while I worked.” He said quietly. “And it was making me feel a little melancholy.” James felt a swell of sorrow for the young man. He couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to miss someone that he couldn’t even remember. Q reached into the neck of his t-shirt and drew out a chain. It was looped through the ring. “I couldn’t bear to not have it with me though.” He smiled sadly. He looked up at James as he kissed it before dropping it back inside his shirt. “Is it silly do you think?” He asked.

“Not at all. After everything that’s happened and everything that people have gone through. I don’t judge anyone.” James looked down at the cast that encased his leg. “These are strange times. Some of us are luckier than others although…” He trailed off.

“Although what?” Q asked, putting down his mug and shuffling closer to James. He waited patiently as James tried to explain the thing that had been troubling him ever since that first incident in the infirmary with Alec.

“When I woke up after the sickness Alec was there with me. Holding me. He had a photograph of us as young men and he told me that we were together. And I believed him. I wanted to. When he held me as we laid together in bed… when we made love… it felt right. But just recently, it’s like… I’m not sure anymore that he was the one. The longer I know him… I mean, it’s not…” James tapered off. He wasn’t quite sure what he was trying to say.

“I don’t think that Alec is in love with you that way. Not really.” Q said quietly and James looked up at him in surprise at his frankness. “We had an argument. I suppose you heard. I was just so angry with him. Afterwards, when we were alone, he threatened me. Told me he’d find a way to get rid of me if I kept talking to you. Don’t worry, I don’t take threats like that seriously. I’ve been staying away from you for my own reasons. I overstepped the mark; I should never have kissed you the way that I did. But Alec. His actions weren’t motivated by a… _romantic_ love, I’m sure of it. When you truly love someone you trust them, you’re secure in your relationship but he’s too possessive. He wants a partner but I’m not sure he actually loves you enough. It’s more like he has a need to own you.”

Q picked up his tea again and shrugged.

“I don’t know though. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just a hard man who doesn’t want to be lonely.” Q added. “I can relate to that.”

James and Q sat quietly for a few minutes, both deep in thought. Then James spoke again.

“We both need to know who we were before. I don’t think we can do that without knowing what’s stored in these computers. So we need to find your notes and to do that, we need to find out where you lived.”

“I know, but how?” Q asked. “I’ve seen Eve’s maps. Say I managed to wander half a mile… working outwards from the place where I was found… almost sixty percent of those houses have already been searched by her teams and they weren’t looking for a notebook. All of those houses would need to be searched again…”

“Maybe not.” James said slowly. He suddenly found for the first time in weeks that he was thinking about the house that he’d seen by the school. “You say the ring gives you a feeling of déjà vu, you felt it upstairs in the day you arrived. Did you feel the same thing when you managed to get into the rooms down here?”

Q nodded.

“Of course, I figured it was because I worked here before.”

“Then it will be the same with your home. You wouldn’t need to search all of those houses… just the streets. I’d bet you’d only need to walk past the house. Maybe look inside the front door… Eve probably wouldn’t want to send a whole party out with you, that’s true, but I’d bet she’d allow us to go together, especially if we offer to go on our downtime, our days off. I could be your back up. I know Felix and I got caught out when there was just the two of us but honestly, that was just rotten bad luck.”

“You’d come with me?” Q asked, smiling.

“I might need to heal a bit more first,” James admitted, “but Kressler reckons I’ll be able to start putting weight on this bad boy again any day now. Could you wait another few weeks before we head out?”

“I’ve waited this long. A while longer won’t hurt.”

“Good. Okay. There is one thing that I need from you in the meantime though.”

Q raised a querying eyebrow.

“Please don’t avoid me anymore.” Q looked coy at James’s words and blushed. It made him look like a shy teenager and it made James chuckle. “Alec and I have our problems but I can handle him. I understand why you felt ashamed for doing what you did but don’t, please. I know that you were just feeling lonely and upset and I can’t quite bring myself to regret such a sweet kiss.”

Q smiled.

“It was lovely, wasn’t it?”

They smiled at each other, frozen for a moment as their eyes met… and then Q laughed, his white teeth flashing, and the spell was broken. He seemed to shake himself.

“Okay. Have you finished your tea? Come with me, I want to show you something else I’ve been working on. There’s what seems to be a massive water filtration unit in a room down the other end of the building that’s fed by the river. I reckon with a bit of tinkering I could get it up and running again and then it would be a relatively simple task to get all the taps in the building working again. We could have showers! Of course, I’d have to sort out the boilers first and…”

James drained his tea as Q started to walk towards the door, still chattering about his work. He pushed himself up onto his crutches and followed him out of the room.


	9. Home - part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q and James set off to find answers but are both shocked by what they discover.

The small mechanical clock that sat on the floor next to the bed trilled and James rolled over, grumbling as he blindly reached out for it. He flicked the switch on the top to silence it and then used the momentum of his roll to sit up and then stand. A bolt of pain shot through his right leg and he paused for a moment waiting for it to settle into the dull ache that he was now familiar with.

“You’re actually going then?”

Alec’s voice was rough with sleep. James turned to look at him. He hadn’t been sure that he was going to come to their bed the night before. They’d had another argument. They seemed to have had so many since James was hurt. James wondered if it was because Alec had almost lost James that day. He really didn’t know but something that had worked between them before that day now seemed broken.

“You know that I am.” James replied.

He went to the corner of the room where his clothes and tactical kit were piled up and started to get dressed.

“I just think it’s a mistake, that’s all. He’s too much of an asset to go off galivanting looking for a diary.”

“We’ll hardly be ‘galivanting’. We need to find his notes to see if we can to get answers for all of us here,” James said tiredly, guessing that the previous night’s argument wasn’t quite played out yet, “and last night he wasn’t an asset, I seem to remember. Last night he was just ‘some kid’.”

“Whatever.” Alec said, sitting up. “You shouldn’t be putting yourself at risk like this. You’ve barely healed.”

“I’ve been out on patrol three times this week.” James snapped back, finding himself getting irritated with Alec suddenly. “You were quite happy to have me cover your arse out there, but apparently I’m not good enough to cover his, is that it? Do I need to be babysat Alec? Am I still on your list of feebles to be cast out at the first sign of trouble?”

“James…”

“No.” James said quietly, running his fingers through his hair and taking a deep breath. “I’m sick of this, so very sick and fucking tired of being second-guessed by you. Being criticised. The world fucking ended and a year later I find the thoughts that occupy my mind most regularly are ‘will that piss off Alec?’, ‘will he want me to do that?’, ‘am I good enough for him?’. I’m done with it. I love you; you know that I do, but not enough to be tied to you like this. I don’t really think we’re any good together anymore. When I get back tonight, I’m going to find somewhere else to bunk. We’re done.”

“I just think you’re making a mistake, that’s all! Please James!” Alec said. He sounded like he was pleading. James put on the last of his kit and tightened his thigh holster.

“Again with the criticism.” He said softly. “Well, if we’re going to play that game, perhaps you could remember with your next partner that’s it’s sometimes nice for the person you’re fucking to come as well.”

James stalked out of the room, leaving Alec with a shocked expression on his face.

He was due to meet Q by the side entrance closest to the slipway. He took the stairs. Q had actually got the lifts working again but James much preferred the stairs, especially first thing in the morning. They enabled him to gently stretch to muscles in his legs and ease the pain in his right. Kressler had told him that they did have a small stock of painkillers, should James need them, but James found it quite easy to disassociate himself from the pain now that it had lessened. Besides, the painkillers were in short supply. James thought it better to leave them for someone who really needed them.

He got to the rendezvous point early and was surprised to see Eve waiting for him.

“Morning Boss.” He said.

“Good morning. You’re early, I thought you might be.”

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. I spoke to Alec last night. He wanted me to forbid you from doing this.”

“Shit. Really?”

“I told him to get stuffed.”

James barked out a laugh before he could stop himself. She looked at him with wry amusement.

“I’m glad that entertained you.” She said. “I told him I didn’t appreciate him second-guessing my command decisions and that he really needs to stop letting personal feelings interfere with what’s good for the community. Whatever’s going on with you two, you need to sort it out James. I can’t have him acting like that.”

“I think I already did.” James replied. “I’ve just broken up with him. I'm so tired of all the arguments. He hasn’t been the same since I almost lost my leg.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Eve said sadly. “Well maybe you two splitting up will knock some sense into him. I’ll have a chat with him later. See if I can’t work out what’s going on with him.”

“Thank you.”

Just then Q arrived. He was dressed in his own tactical gear and had a satchel slung across his body. He smiled when he saw James.

“Hi James. Hello Eve. Are you coming with us?” He asked.

“Not today. You two have fun though and please look after this one.” She added, jerking her thumb towards James. “I can’t be doing with him breaking another leg.”

“I’ll keep him under control.” Q promised.

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” She deadpanned.

They said their goodbyes and then stepped out through the side-door into the early morning light. Q had co-ordinated a great deal of work around the area so now that whole side of the building, including the slipway, was closed off from any wandering ferals. That had enabled him to get three more boats that had been in the basement of the building working and out onto the water. They climbed down to the water’s edge and went to the smallest boat which was the one that Q had used on the day they met. He’d modified it somewhat and it now had a couple of solar panels on the back. 

“You’ve altered this a bit.” James commented as they clambered in.

“It’s not a perfect set up but it enables us to have about ten minutes of silent running at a time.” Q explained. “As soon as I find some bigger batteries, I’ll be able to extend that. For the time being though, it means I’ve been able to do away with having to row to landing points. We just switch over to battery power and cruise in silently.”

“Very clever.” James smiled.

Q blushed and looked away as he started up the engine, as if James had been complimenting him personally and not the technology. James grinned as he sat back in his seat. He wasn’t sure that he hadn’t been. The little boat chugged out onto the river and then Q opened her up. The engine roared into life and they sped up. James watched the scenery fly past them as they travelled up the river. He loved it. The feeling of speed and the cool flecks of water that peppered his face felt wonderful. He closed his eyes and savoured it. 

The boat suddenly slowed when the engine died and was replaced by a near-silent whine as they switched to battery power. James heard a low chuckle and he looked over to see Q laughing at him.

“What?”

“There’s a photo on one of the old workstations in the basement… it’s of a big dog hanging out of a moving car’s window, enjoying the wind rushing past his face…” He giggled.

“Are you trying to say I look like a big dog?” James asked. He tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably.

“Oh no, not at all,” Q laughed, “nothing like one….” he added under his breath. He cleared his throat and stood up. “Alright,” he said more sensibly, “we’re coming up to the landing point. The road up the side of the school was notorious for attracting biters for some reason when I lived here. Can you catch a glimpse and see if there’s any there?”

Remembering the group of ferals that attacked them from that direction, James did as he was told. He knelt up tall on his seat, holding onto the back to steady himself. There were a few barges abandoned on that section of the river but James peered up the road past them. He couldn’t see anything moving and he told Q as much.

“We might be okay then.” Q said cautiously. He steered the boat to the little jetty and turned off the power before hopping onto it when they were close enough to moor the boat. James climbed off after him as Q drew out his map. “Right, we’re here,” Q began, placing his finger on the riverside road labelled ‘Upper Mall’, “and I was found here.” He pointed to a small green space as James leaned over him to see more clearly. “St Peter’s Square Garden. It’s about half a mile away. Should we go there and just pick a direction to search in?” He looked up at James, his eyes wide and questioning James looked back down at him. Q was only a couple of inches shorter than him but James felt a warmth, almost in his soul, at the thought that he would rely on James to help him like this. To look after him.

“We might as well start around here.” He suggested. “We know the area that we want to search. Let’s start closest to the boat. As we moving further out, we can moor it further down the river. Does that make sense?” Q nodded. James let him lead them up the gangplank to the road but called out when he saw him go to turn left.

“Q? Can we go the other way? There’s something I want to do, if you don’t mind?”

“Okay. Sure.” Q replied, immediately turning around. “Isn’t it more dangerous this way though?”

“Maybe,” James said quietly, “but we’re in danger wherever we go.”

“So why this way?” Q asked.

“The day we met, just before we met actually, we were searching the houses in the street by the school and I saw one that gave me the biggest jolt of déjà vu I think I’ve ever had. Alec searched it and didn’t find anything odd in there but I keep thinking about it.”

“Do you think you might recognise something in it?” Q asked, sounding interested.

“I’m not sure.” James admitted. “But it’s like an itch. It might be nothing but I need to scratch it.”

They neared the corner and then slowed down. James peered around the corner. He didn’t see anything moving so they carried on.

“I’ve never been down here before.” Q said, following James closely. “Our scouts got chased down here so many times that by the time I was well enough to join our search parties they stopped using it. Every time I left the school, we used the boat to…”

Q trailed off but James didn’t notice. He was too busy staring at the little house. It was just how he remembered it. Red-bricked and quirky and so achingly familiar it almost took his breath away.

“This is it.” James whispered.

He walked to the chest-high wooden gate and pushed it open. There was a short path to the white front door which stood ajar. Alec must not have closed it properly, he thought distractedly as he went inside. There was a short hallway which snaked around the bottom of the stairs. There was a door leading off the hallway to the left but he walked past it to the kitchen which was at the other end. The windows were large and looked out over a small, jumbled garden. There was a door to the side which led to a large conservatory. Inside the kitchen every cupboard door stood ajar as if they had been rifled. He walked over to the one which stood above the kettle and opened it. He instinctively knew that the bottom shelf would once have been covered in dozens of different varieties of tea and coffee. The top shelf was still piled high with mugs. 

“ _What the fuck?_ ” He muttered.

He reached out with a trembling hand and lifted down the mug that was sitting at the front. It was plain white apart from the letter ‘Q’ and the number ten printed on it in a bold, black font…

There was a muffled thud and a cry came from behind him. James put the mug down and raced out into the hall. He could hear quiet sobbing coming from the front room, the door of which now stood open. He cautiously went in. Q was on his knees, crying his heart out. He had picked up a picture frame and he was holding it to his chest, rocking back and forth.

“Q?”

“I didn’t know.” Q sobbed. “How could I have not known?” He shook his head. James knelt down beside him and placed his hand on Q’s back.

“Oh Q, what happened? What did you find?” 

Q leaned into him and allowed James to pull the picture out of his arms far enough for him to be able to see it. His breath caught as he realised what he was looking at. The photograph had been taken on the steps of a church. In it, Q was smartly dressed in a black suit with a silver waistcoat and matching tie. He was laughing, almost squinting against the handfuls of confetti that were being thrown over him. He was arm in arm with his new husband. Holding him, dressed in a pristine white suit with navy blue epaulettes, with a white cap tucked under his arm, was James.

James stared at the photo, his focus narrowing in to the figures in it.

Them.

Him and Q.

Married.

 _He_ was Q’s husband. The man that he’d lost.

Q was now slumped against him. He was still sobbing so James very carefully took the frame out of Q’s arms and placed it on the floor beside them. He gently guided Q, turning him and pulling him into his chest, curling himself around him.

“Shhh. It’s okay.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “You’ve found me now.”

Q trembled and clung onto him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was missing _you_ … _mourning_ you… and… I didn’t even know….”

“The brain damage caused by the sickness leaves us with facial blindness.” James said softly. “We know this. Eve didn’t remember she was married to Billy… None of us have ever had any kind of recognition of each other… even people we knew we must have known. Oh sweetheart, we were apart for so long…don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Q seemed to calm at this, nodding his head. They held each other quietly for a few minutes more and then he slowly pushed himself upright. He looked up at James. His face was still a picture of misery. Slowly James cupped his face and leaned forward to kiss him. Q’s eyes widened and then closed as he kissed him back. James sighed as Q leaned into him again and their kisses deepening, until they were each licking into the other’s mouths. James head felt like it was swimming but he ignored it, intent as he was on soothing the young man in his arms. It felt so natural, so right. He wondered how he hadn’t realised it the first time that Q had kissed him, but he supposed he’d been unwell, exhausted, still devoted to the idea that he was with Alec…

He pulled away from Q as he realised something. He looked around the room. The walls were covered with artwork and photographs… so many photographs of Q and James together.

“James?”

“He knew.” James said softly. “Alec knew. He searched this house on the day that we met. He must have seen the photographs. He’s spent all these months trying to keep us apart… That’s why he asked Eve to send me out with Felix that day. That’s why he told her coming here was a bad idea… He didn’t want me to find this house.”

Q pushed up onto his knees.

“He didn’t want us to realise what we were to each other? To find our home?”

“Why would he have been so cruel?” James asked as he stood up again and then helped Q to his feet.

“I don’t know.” Q answered, picking up the photograph and placing it back on the mantlepiece. James could see a gap in the dust which Q slotted it onto perfectly. “He wanted you for himself but even so… why did he go to such lengths when he knew we were _married?_ ” He looked around himself, shaking his head. “I can’t think about any of that right now. I need to find my notes.”


	10. Home - part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Q find some answers... and reconnect.

Q left the room and went up the stairs. James followed and expected him to find their bedroom but instead he went straight into the bathroom. There was a strange smell in there and James soon saw why. The bathtub was full of rancid water. There was what looked like pillows and blankets bundled up in the bottom and in the water several plastic bags full of rot were floating. James craned his neck to read what was printed on them. _Peas… carrots… mixed vegetables…_

Beside the bath there was a stool, surrounded by discarded clothing, and on it there was a blue notebook. Q picked it up. The cover had a simple design, eight embossed squares surrounded by parallel lines. He looked to James.

“Found it.” He said simply.

“Why in here?” James asked.

“Some of Kressler’s notes mentioned brain damage from high temperatures. Maybe I knew. I fell sick here and I wanted to be cold. My last act was to take everything out of the freezer and dump it all in the bathwater. The bedding, that would have stopped me from sliding under and drowning when I fell unconscious. I left my notes where I would find them…

“But something went wrong.”

“I got out of the house.” Q said, shrugging. “Maybe I bolted the door downstairs thinking it would keep me in here but it didn’t work. I got out and wandered for half a mile before I was found.”

“But why didn’t you ever see this place? You literally lived next door to it. You would have known it was yours.”

Q seemed to ponder that.

“It’s not visible from the school, the wall’s too high. By the time I had recovered, Tanya’s group had already searched all of the local houses for supplies… maybe they had realised that this was my home when they saw the photographs of us… maybe they thought you were dead and thought it would be kinder for me to not remember you…” He sighed, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. We’ll never know. They’re all gone now. All I do know is, I was told to never walk up this road because it was too dangerous.” He looked about himself. “You know what, it stinks in here. Let’s close the door on it until we can clear it all up.”

They went back into the hallway and James automatically opened the next door. He walked in and wasn’t surprised to find it was a bedroom. The bed was covered with a counterpane over the duvet and pillows which James carefully took off and folded to stop the dust that covered it from flying. He sat down and watched as Q came in and opened the wardrobe. One side of it was filled with bright jumpers, and patterned trousers and the other with sleek suits. James smiled. It was so obvious which side belonged to which of them. After closing the doors again, Q came to the bed and sat with him.

He laid the note book in his lap and opened it to the first page. It was covered in a cryptic scrawl, some kind of handwritten cypher that meant nothing to James. Q smiled. He obviously understood it.

 _“My name is Thomas Ellison Bond.”_ Q read aloud. _“I am thirty-seven years old. I am married to James, whom I love more than life.”_ He looked up at James for a moment before going back to reading. They sat in silence for some time as Q quickly made his way through written pages in the book. James waited patiently for him to finish. He didn’t know what Q had written but some of it might have been personal so he didn’t want to ask him any questions that he might not have been comfortable answering. Eventually Q reached the last pages where James could see the writing had become sloppy and quite unlike the dozens of neat pages that had preceded it. It was written in a scrawling English text that James could just about read. As he watched, a tear slid down the side of Q’s nose.

“Q?”

Without speaking, Q handed James the book so he could read the last entry;

_~ June 1 st. I’m stupid. So stupid. James succumbed this morning. One minute he was fine, the next he was unconscious. I don’t know if he will recover. I’m scared. I noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, he doesn’t when he’s out in the field, and it suddenly seemed so important to me that he be wearing it when he woke up so I came home to get it. I took a stupid gamble and quietly left without anyone seeing me. It only took me twenty minutes in the boat I borrowed from Mi6 but by the time I got here I realised I was falling ill too. _

_I’m so stupid._

_I’m going to stay cool in the bath. I’ve locked the front door. If I turn feral, at least I won’t be a danger to the others. If I recover, I can go back to find James._

_I love James._

_I want to be with him._

_I’m so scared. ~_

James handed the book back to Q and got up. He looked around the room and then went to the chest of drawers that stood by the door. On top of it sat a small ornate wooden box. He went to it, almost without hesitation, and opened it. Inside, amongst the cufflinks and watches, he found a plain gold ring. He went back over to the bed and knelt down in front of Q. He held it up to him.

“I think this is what you came for.” He said softly. Q smiled and took it off him. He held it up to the light to examine it but when James lifted his right hand Q slipped the ring onto his fourth finger before entwining their fingers together. James pushed up onto his knees and claimed another kiss off him.

Q leaned back so he could unstrap his tactical vest. He dropped it onto the floor and then reached into his t-shirt to draw out his own ring on its chain. He took it off and then passed it to James who slipped it onto his finger for him.

“I loved you,” Q said quietly, “and I don’t believe that has changed one bit.”

James smiled.

“I was missing something. I didn’t know what it was but it left me feeling like part of me was empty.” He kissed Q and then murmured against his lips. “It doesn’t feel empty anymore.”

Q slid his hands up into the back of James’s hair.

“I’d understand if you don’t want to be with me.” He said sadly. “You have Alec now; this is a new world. It’s enough for me I think that we’ve found each other.”

“It’s not enough.” James said. “It feels like it could never be enough. Alec and I… whatever we had, it’s over now. There was always something wrong with Alec. The feeling that ‘us’ wasn’t quite right. I don’t hate him by any means but I’ve felt more love from you… more tenderness from our friendship… in these last few months than I ever felt from Alec. It seems that I loved you once upon a time, enough to dedicate my entire life to you. To marry you. I don’t remember any of it but what kind of fool would I be to push you away now?” 

They kissed again, so sweetly and slowly that James wasn’t sure he could ever have enough of it. Q’s arms wrapped around his shoulders as they both moved, their bodies pressing together as James slotted between Q’s spread thighs. Eventually they paused for air and James could see that Q was blushing.

“I have a problem.” He admitted, softly.

“Oh?”

“I want you.” He said. “I want you to make love to me.”

James smiled.

“I can’t see that that’s much of a problem, I mean, our bed’s right here…”

“No…” Q whined. He tucked his head into the side of James’s neck. James automatically drew him into a hug. “I don’t remember anything…”

James suddenly realised what Q was getting at and he had to fight to stop himself from laughing.

“Oh sweetheart. You haven’t? Not since you were sick?”

He pulled back and Q shook his head, looking so adorably bashful that, if James had suspected when he found that they’d been married that that he might fall in love with him again, he was certain now. He kissed his cheek.

“Well, I’ll just have to move very slowly and be very, very gentle with you, won’t I?” He asked. He was about to kiss him again when he heard a sound come from the street below. He knelt back. “Did you shut the front door behind us?”

Q looked unsure and that was enough for James to race back down the stairs. The front door was indeed ajar but the tall front gate had swung back onto the latch. He moved cautiously, standing on tiptoes to see a small group of ferals wandering down the road towards the house. He ducked and when he was sure they hadn’t seen him he incrementally eased the front door shut until he could engage the deadbolt. He then crept back into the hallway, aware that the glass panels in the outer door might expose him if he stood up too soon, and he closed the inner door just as slowly. He quickly went through to the back of the house to make sure everything else was secure before going back upstairs.

“It’s all okay. Just a few ferals. We might have to wait a while for them to move on when we want to…”

Words failed him as he went back into the bedroom. Q had stripped off and was sitting up in the bed. He was hugging the duvet to his naked chest and looking nervous.

“Is this alright?” He asked.

“Oh darling.” James replied. “More than you can ever know.”

James almost took another step forward but he hesitated. He couldn’t stop staring at Q. His tousled hair framing his sweet face. The long slope of his neck down to his shoulders. So elegant. So vulnerable. So tantalisingly familiar. It was like having a word on the tip of his tongue. He knew that he knew this - Q, waiting in their bed for him to join him and make love to him - but he just couldn’t remember. It struck him then; how much he had lost. In all the time since waking from the sickness James had never felt like weeping but he felt it now. Such sorrow, mourning his own life. He covered his face with his hands and took a deep, shuddering breath.

“James?”

“I’m okay.” He mumbled, wiping his eyes before unzipping his vest. “I’m just… I’ll be okay.”

He dropped the vest to the floor which was followed by his sweatshirt. He made short work of removing his boots and socks and then undid his trousers, pushing them down so he could step out of them. He straightened, dressed in just his t-shirt and pants and it suddenly occurred to him that Q might not be completely naked under the covers.

“Is this enough?” He asked, plucking at the hem of his t-shirt as if to ask; ‘shall I take this off too?’.

“Take off everything please.” Q said quietly. James slowly peeled off his t-shirt and then pushed his undershorts down over his hips. He was half-hard and he saw Q’s eyes widened when he saw how big he was. “Oh my. Do you think we ever managed to… you know?”

“Maybe. Probably.” James said with a smile. “But we don’t have to try that straight away.” Q nodded, suddenly looking nervous again as he shifted over to the other side of the bed. James took that as his cue to get in. He settled down and smiled over at Q. “Unless you want to.”

Q blushed and it made James laugh. Everything felt so right, so _perfect_ , it was making his heart race. He laid flat, his head on the pillow.

“Tell me what you want darling.”

Instead of answering him. Q scooted over and kissed James, melting into his side.

“You.” He replied. 

James smiled into Q’s kisses as the younger man pressed his body against James’s hip. He wrapped his arms around him and wasn’t surprised to feel the cotton waistband of Q’s underpants under his fingertips when his smoothed his hand down his back. Q really was shy. James didn’t care though. He was feeling such a rollercoaster of emotions but ultimately all he wanted was for Q to be happy and if that meant going slowly, they would go slowly.

Q pulled from the kisses and ran his fingers over James’s chest. 

“You’re covered in scars. I noticed them that night in Medical when you were sick and I washed you down. I don’t suppose you remember how any of them happened, do you?”

“Only the one on my leg.” James said quietly. Q nodded, more to himself than anything and then ducked his head to press his lips against a particularly ugly twist of skin, just above James’s right nipple.

“I would take them all away for you, if I could.” Q said sadly.

“They might have held meaning for me, once upon a time.” James replied.

“Once upon a time.” Q whispered, moving down to kiss James’s nipple. “Once upon a time I must have known every inch of your body… everything that you liked. I’m really not sure what I’m doing anymore.”

“I like it when you cover me in your kisses.” James said.

Q blushed again and tucked his face into James’s chest and James realised that he really was clueless. It was as if Q was a virgin again. They would have made love before, James was certain of it, but now Q didn’t know what to do and he was unsure what James expected of him. It was obviously up to James to show him. Q’s hand was resting on James’s pectoral and James placed his hand over it.

“I like to be kissed,” James began gently, “I like this, you touching me. I can tell that you have worked with your hands for a long time and your fingertips are slightly rough and I like it when you move them over my skin.” Q glanced up at James’s face before watching as James guided his hand lower to his stomach. “I like it when you touch me here but I’m a little bit ticklish so it makes me jump if I’m not expecting it. I have this little trail of hair under my belly button and if you run your fingers over it, it makes me so hard. In fact, just lying with you like this is making me hard, if I’m being honest…” Q turned his face back towards James’s chest. His eyes were closed and his breath shuddered as he started to kiss his skin again. “I want you to touch me, so you can see how turned on I am, how attracted I am to you, how much I want you… but I don’t want to rush you…”

Q moved then, pulling his hand out from under James’s to grab his wrist. He tugged on it and James moved it willingly. Q pressed his palm onto the bulge in his undershorts. They were tenting up around his own erection. James automatically wrapped his fingers around him and pressed his thumb lightly onto the damp patch of material at its tip.

“ _Please…”_ Q’s plea was little more than a sigh.

“Oh darling.” 

James rolled them so that Q was on his back and he started to kiss him again. He tightened his grip around Q’s cock and stroked him, swallowing Q’s soft exclamation. James moved his kisses lower to Q’s jawline, his throat, his collarbone and further, all the while not giving up his teasing hold on him. He ducked under the duvet, unwilling to uncover Q and take away his protection without asking. In the gloom he kissed his sternum and then his belly, shifting down the bed so he could tease along the waistband of his underwear with his tongue. He could smell Q’s arousal and it was heady. It was an achingly familiar scent that James allowed himself to wallow in. Eventually he was on a level with his erection and he began to kiss the material, breathing through it to let Q feel the warmth of his mouth on him.

Q cried out softly when James began to suckle on the head, tasting the salt of his precome where it soaked the thin cotton. He moved his hand down to cup his balls as he worked and Q’s hips jerked so James eased his movements. He guessed that Q would come quickly if he carried on, he was so close already, but James wanted him to be in his mouth properly when that happened. He shuffled under the covers and got up onto his knees so he could slowly draw Q’s underpants off him. There was no resistance from Q, no signs of distress so he laid back down and resumed his earlier position. It was glorious this time. The head of Q’s cock slipped into James’s mouth as he cradled his balls again and James had to stop himself from chuckling when he heard the sounds that it wrung out of Q. There was a high-pitched, strangled wail followed by a litany of “ _ohshitohshitohshitohshit”_ which James took to be a compliment.

He focused back on the task at hand, keeping a steady but gently suction on Q’s cock as he started to move his head, holding Q steady with a light pressure on his balls. If truth were told, James was in heaven. He could feel by the way that Q’s belly was heaving under the side of his face that Q was enjoying it too. It was dark under the duvet but as James’s eyes adjusted, he could see the way Q’s legs were parting as he pressed his feet into the mattress and started to tentatively push up his hips. James let his cock fall from his mouth for a moment, licking its tip.

“That’s it darling,” he told Q, “fuck my mouth.”

He took him in again and Q’s movements became bolder, jerking upwards. James had to squint against the light when Q suddenly tore the duvet back off them. Q thrust his hands into James’s hair, holding his head so he could push into his willing mouth. He spread his legs wider yet and James slipped one of his fingers through the drool that now coated Q’s shaft and then moved it around under Q’s leg to press it against his arsehole.

 _“Ohshitohyes!”_ Q cried out, his hips losing their rhythm for a moment.

James hummed his approval and slipped his finger into Q. It went in easily enough, just up to the first knuckle but it was obviously too much for Q. He bucked, crying out again as he started to come. James had to fight to keep Q’s cock in his mouth but he managed it, drinking down every drop of the come that flooded it. When Q’s spasms subsided James let go of him, withdrawing his finger and turning his head to kiss his still-heaving belly. He looked up and smiled when he saw Q was lying flat on his back. He’d taken off his glasses and had covered his face with his hands.

“How the fuck did I ever let myself forget what an orgasm felt like?” He asked in a small voice.

James burst out laughing and crawled back up the bed. He propped himself up on one elbow so he could grin down at him.

“I’m not sure.” He admitted, genuinely astonished. “You’ve never even had a wank, then?” 

Q peered up at him. 

“Communal living.” He said flatly.

“Even so…” James grinned. “Weren’t you even curious?”

Q reached up to stroke the side of James’s face.

“I’d lost you.” He said quietly. “I didn’t really want to do anything like that… It reminded me there was someone missing from my life.”

“Oh sweetheart.” James said, all the mirth leaving him. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. You must have been so lonely…” He kissed him softly and wrapped his arm around him, tugging on his back to roll him and tuck him into his embrace. “I’m here now.”

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Q whispered, pressing himself up against James. James reached down to grip his buttock. He moaned into their kisses as their cocks pressed together. James was still hard and it felt as though Q was getting that way again, despite having only just come.

“You won’t.” James insisted, hoping that the force of his conviction would make it a fact. In truth, he couldn’t say where the future would take them but for now, in the bedroom of their own home, he could make it a promise. “I swear.”

As they kissed James felt Q’s hand slip down between their bodies and his fingertips trail up the side of James’s cock. He shivered.

“I want you to put this inside me.” Q said. “Make love to me.” He wrapped his fingers around the shaft. “I want to feel every inch of you.”

James felt his hands start tremble as he reached further and pulled Q’s knee up onto his hip, gently exposing him. He trailed his fingers down into the crease between his buttocks and over his arsehole.

“Do you think we can?” James asked, beginning to rub it lightly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t. I can’t see how you would. I might not be able to remember doing it before but you’re my husband. I trust you.”

James smiled.

“Okay. If you’re sure. I’m going to need to find a couple of things first though…”


	11. Home - part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An afternoon spent together.

With a final kiss, James rolled off the bed. He wandered out into the hallway and saw the slatted door next to the one to the bathroom that he remembered seeing on their way in. He opened it to find it was a linen cupboard. It was half-empty (the rest of the spare bedding no doubt at the bottom of the bathtub) but it still contained half-a-dozen towels. He took two and went back into the room to find Q was kneeling on the bed, a tub of something in his hand.

“Was this one of the things?” He asked. “It was in the drawer of the nightstand.” He held it out so James could see the label. It was lubricant.

“Give the man a gold star.” James joked.

“I’d rather you gave me a good seeing to.” Q shot back.

Q shifted to one side as James took the two pillows from his side of the bed and placed them in the middle before laying the larger of the two towels over them and the sheet below. Then he encouraged Q to lie back so that they supported his hips. James tugged the other pillows down so he could rest his head on them.

“Comfy?” Q nodded, looking bashful again. James knelt between his legs and bent them, putting his feet flat on the towel before pushing his knees apart. Q placed his hands on the pillow, either side of his head, and smiled. He was a vision. Relaxed, exposed, his legs spread, waiting for James to touch him again. James could easily have knelt up and with less than a dozen strokes he would have been coming, spattering Q’s pale skin, he was so close. He didn’t want that though. He wanted to make love to him, to re-consummate the marriage that both of them had lost for too long. He picked up the lube and opened it, placing it on the bed by Q’s hip. He slicked up two of his fingers.

“I’m going to get you ready baby. I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me the moment I go too fast.”

Q nodded, speechless as James pressed one of his fingers to his arsehole. After a moment’s massaging he pressed in. He might have expected Q to jump a little but instead he sighed, his legs spreading a little wider as his eyes fluttered shut. James smiled and started to gently move his finger to and fro. It was fascinating to watch Q. After a moment or two he turned his head and pressed his lips to his fingers and his breathing became deeper. He shivered and whimpered when James slipped in the other slicked finger, reaching down to touch his own cock.

“Yes…” He breathed.

James watched Q’s face as he became bolder with his movements, pushing his fingers in with slightly more pressure and twisting his wrist every time he withdrew. Q nodded and started to suck his own fingers, lost in the pleasure of being penetrated. James withdrew his fingers and Q opened his eyes to watch what he was doing as he added more lubricant, only to close them again as James returned to what he’d been doing. He slipped the two fingers back in and then added another. Q jerked and James rested his other hand on his thigh, gentling him as he continued to fuck and stretch and lubricate Q enough to take James’s cock.

When Q began pushing back onto James’s three fingers, he decided he couldn’t wait any longer. James took a final handful of lube and slathered it over himself. Q watched again as he set the pot onto the nightstand beside the bed and then shuffled forwards between Q’s thighs.

“Ready, darling?”

Q nodded so James positioned himself, pressing his cockhead up against Q’s now-slick arsehole. Without giving himself time to overthink what he was about to do, worried he would shoot his load then and there if he did, James pushed forward.

Although Alec and James had enjoyed a fairly regular love life, Alec had definitely been more of a giver so James had rarely got to fuck like this. James moaned as Q’s tight body first clenched around and then seemed to relent to the broad head of his cock. He pushed past the first ring of muscle and then froze, willing himself to relax and to give Q time to adjust. For a moment it was as if they were locked together, the pressure on the head of his cock so intense, so exquisite, James was sure he would come if he tried to move. Q was gazing up at him again and James couldn’t tell if it was too much for him so he leaned forward to kiss him. He rested a hand on his chest and toyed with his nipple as a little distraction.

“Easy, baby.” He soothed. “Just breath. You feel so good. So tight. Let me in, baby. Let me make love to you.”

Q nodded and reached up to hold James’s head as they kissed.

“It’s so good. You’re so big…” He moved one of his hands down and a moment later James felt Q’s questing fingers on the shaft of his cock. “I want all of it inside me.”

James chuckled. If nothing else, Q was persistent in his demands. He dropped his hips a little.

“Bear down on me, darling. Squeeze me. It will make it easier.”

Q did as he was told and James swore as the pressure on his cock suddenly intensified. Q did it again and James realised he was smirking.

“You little shit.” He grumbled good-naturedly. He twitched his hips forwards and Q gasped as he gained an inch. “There. That stopped your grinning, didn’t it?”

Q laughed at that and squeezed again. James raised up onto his knees and pushed in a bit further. They repeated it over and over until he was sheathed up to the hilt. He grasped Q’s hips and held him close as he adjusted to being so full. It was unlike anything James had ever experienced with Alec. Their fucks had been like mutual masturbation. This with Q? This was perfection in every way. The tight grip on James’s cock, the long stretch of Q’s slim body, the slender curve of his erection, restored fully now after his earlier orgasm, the high, bright spots of pink on his cheeks as he gazed up at James adoringly. Without thinking he said;

“I love you.”

Q smiled at that, his white teeth flashing.

“I love you too. I think you’re going to make me come again.”

“Yes.” James agreed. “I think I am.”

Keeping his hold on Q’s hips, James started to move. So slowly at first for fear of hurting Q, the going soon became easier as Q was able to relax into it. In fact, it wasn’t long before he was able to plant his feet on the bed and push up so he was able to meet James’s gentle thrusts. James smiled and shifted so that one of his hands was supporting Q’s lower back, holding in that position. With the other hand he grasped his cock. Q groaned, spreading his legs wide and pushing up onto his elbows.

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “Fuck! James, please! Don’t stop!”

James did as he was told and kept going, snapping his hips up into Q, feeling the way his cock was twitching in his hand at the end of every stroke. As an experiment he increased the pressure on it, tugging it as he moved his other hand around to Q’s hip, meaning that Q had to tense up to hold himself in his position. As James guessed he might, Q started to shout, gasping at the increase in his pleasure. A dribble of his precome slid down James’s knuckles and he gripped him a little tighter.

“Are you going to come for me darling?”

He dropped Q then, curling over him, his hips still pounding. He kissed him and started to jerk his cock. He was so slick James could smell it.

“I’m going to come, baby boy. I’m going to fill you up. Want to come with me? Show me what a clever boy you are?”

Q wailed, nodding and almost sobbing into James’s kisses. Their coiled bodies and panting breaths formed a pocket of warm air between them as they each tucked their faces onto each other’s necks. Q was sweating and James kissed him there, tasting salt. Q suddenly seemed to freeze after a moment as everything finally became too much. He grunted and his cock spurted as he clamped down onto James’s cock. For a split-second James thought he might be able to fuck Q through his spasms but then his own orgasm caught up with him and he started to come, wave after wave of pulses, filling Q with his issue. He collapsed onto him as his cock became over-sensitive and he managed to give one final thrust. He ended up face-first in the pillow, gasping for breath. He felt Q wrap his legs around his back and press a kiss to his ear.

“Do you know what? I think we’ve done that before…” Q said.

James laughed and raised his head to look at him.

“Do you know what? I think we have.” He said. Q was looking at him sleepily and he smiled when their eyes met. “You were amazing.” He admitted.

“So were you, my beautiful big man.”

James smiled.

“I’m hardly beautiful.” He said.

“You are to me. When you were kneeling over me, pushing into me… it was everything I’ve been looking for this past year.” His voice wavered a little on the last word so James pushed himself up off him so he could kiss him again. He’d lost count of the number of kisses they’d shared since they’d first sat on the bed together but it wasn’t enough. It could never be enough. Eventually Q’s eyes started to droop.

“Go to sleep lover.” James whispered but Q opened his eyes at that.

“Shouldn’t we be getting back to Vauxhall?”

“We have time enough for that.” James said. “Let’s have this for a few moments more…”

He kissed his forehead and then pulled away to find the other towel. By the time he’d wiped them both down, Q was already snoring.


	12. Home - part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Q are finally home.

James laid with Q and held him while he slept for well over an hour. When he started to stir again James kissed him to wakefulness before making love to him again. It was as if finding the photograph of them together along with the knowledge that they’d loved each other enough to marry had opened the floodgates for James. What might have been a simple affection for the sweet, clever lad that they’d found fighting ferals had transformed seamlessly into a bone-deep desire for him.

He encouraged him up into his lap to sink down onto him. James encircled Q’s cock with loose fingers and then watched as he rocked them both to completion. He moved sinuously, bringing James off slowly and deliciously, both of them coming again before Q slumped into James’s arms. Eventually James spoke, whispering words against the side of Q’s throat, asking the thing he knew they were both thinking.

“What now?”

“We need to head back. They’ll be sending out a search party.” Q replied.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Q sat back a little so he could look at James. James smiled, his hands still supporting Q’s ribs, enjoying the feel of his warm skin.

“This is our home.” Q said, smiling back at him. “But we can’t live here at the moment. There’s no water. No food. The ferals are roaming the streets... although they’ll get less frequent as time goes on.” He paused, stroking a finger over James’s chest as he considered their situation. “We need to secure the local streets. Block them off somehow. Make the path from the pontoon to here safe… we could plant up the garden with crops… we could take down the fences… take over the neighbouring gardens… they’d have to be secured too. We need a clean water supply, that shouldn’t be too hard being so close to the river, and power. I wonder if we could find some solar panels to…”

James couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as Q spoke, going through the lengthy list of things that they’d need to not only live in their house but be comfortable in it too. Q was so clever. They could do it, James realised, they really could. They could spend the rest of their lives together in the home that they’d lived in before.

“… of course, it will all take time but then I don’t think either of us would want to leave Vauxhall until the community there is settled and future-proofed as far as we are able. They saved both of us. We owe them that much. We’d have to use our down-time to work on this place but there’d be no rush…”

Q realised that James was silent and he hesitated, looking a little embarrassed as if he’s just noticed that he’d been rambling.

“Does that sound like a good idea?” He asked.

James leaned up and they kissed.

“It sounds like heaven.” He admitted. “A retirement plan with my husband. That wasn’t anything that I ever dreamed I could have.”

They kissed again but then Q looked out of the window.

“It looks like the light is fading a little…”

James looked at his watch. It was four o’clock.

“We need to get going. It won’t be fully dark for another couple of hours but we want to be securely back at Vauxhall by then.”

“We’ll need to speak to Alec.” Q said sounding worried. “We’ll do it together.”

“I can handle Alec.” James said.

“No.” Q replied firmly. “We do it together.”

James smirked, realising for the first time just who might wear the trousers in their relationship.

“Yes dear.”

They quickly searched the rest of the house before they left it. The room that James remembered seeing the day they’d met again, the one with the big window that had caught his eye, had indeed been used by Q. There were countless designs and diagrams surrounding a large tilting draftsman’s table but alongside them were paintings. Delicate watercolours of flowers and animals.

“These are yours.” Q said, handing a half-finished painting of a hare to James. “They must be, I can’t draw like this.”

James was amazed. It had never occurred to him to try to draw anything.

“We’re going to discover so much about ourselves.” James said quietly, thinking about what Eve had said about strawberries. All the simple, sweet things they would get to experience again for the first time. Q turned to kiss the side of his mouth.

“We already have darling.”

They went down to the lounge and Q went straight to the bookshelves to examine them while James peered out of the front window. There was no sign of any ferals.

“I think we’re good to go.” He said after a few minutes of not seeing any movement out in the street. As he turned back, he saw Q putting a large gold-coloured book into his bag. “What’s that?” He asked.

Q smiled.

“Something that explains a lot, I think.” He replied cryptically.

~00Q~

Q found a bunch of keys in a dish by the front door which enabled him to lock it behind them when they left. They didn’t see any ferals on the way back to the boat so they walked to the pontoon hand-in-hand. James kept stealing glances at Q and whenever Q noticed, he smiled back at him.

They got back to Vauxhall just as the sun was setting and they made their way straight up to the canteen. As they suspected, Eve was there eating dinner with Bill. She looked up at them in surprise when they approached her.

“You two took your time. Did you find anything?”

James was about to speak but Q cut him off.

“Yes. I found my home and in it, a notebook full of encoded notes and passwords. I wonder if you might like to come down to the basement in an hour or so? I’m going to try to get into the computer system.” She nodded. “Oh, and could you bring Alec?” Q added.

“I’d imagine there’d be more people than just Alec who will be interested in what you might find.” Eve said.

“Then bring them all.” Q replied.

In the end Eve and Bill brought quite a crowd with them to the room in the basement that had the most computer terminals. Felix and Mallory, Susan and Kressler from Medical and Alec all came with them. Alec came in last and stood at the back of the room, his face blank and unreadable. James wondered what he was thinking. Q greeted them all and then turned to the main terminal which he’d powered up. They all waited patiently as Q positioned himself in front of it. He began to speak, his quiet voice carrying through the silent room.

“I knew from the overwhelming déjà vu that I had the day I arrived that I belonged here, especially in this department. I have an understanding of pretty much all of the technology but the one thing I lacked was the ability to hack into any of the computer systems. I had a feeling that I would have kept a notebook, like you did Susan, but it was nowhere to be found in this department. James posited that I’d been at home when I fell ill and they would be there instead. As you know, he and I headed out this morning to start looking for it.”

“You obviously found your home,” Eve said, “you have your notes now. How did you find it so quickly?” 

“I saw the house on the day we met Q.” James said, stepping forward. “It was in the street next to the school where we found him. He’d been prevented from noticing it by the group who’d taken him in. I had déjà vu the first time I saw it but I was injured the next day… I forgot all about it until Q told me he wanted to go back to the area.”

“But how did you recognise it?” Eve asked, looking confused. “How did you know it was Q’s home?”

“I didn’t but it seems I recognised that it was mine. Q is my husband.” James said, starting to feel angry. He looked directly at Alec. “And you knew, didn’t you?” He added, his voice low and menacing. “You went in there, when we swept the street. You would have seen the photographs of us on the walls. You would have recognised Q when we found him not five minutes later and you didn’t think to fucking TELL ME!” He shouted the last two words at Alec who at least had the decency to look ashamed. James took two steps forward and would probably have tried to beat the shit out of Alec had Q not reached out at that exact moment to lay a hand on James’s arm.

“James, it’s okay…” James stopped and turned to look at Q, incredulous that he would stop him. “I think I know why he did it.”

James was confused and when he looked at Alec again, he looked nervous but equally as non-plussed. Q picked up his bag and took out the golden book that he’d taken from their house. He opened it and placed it on the desk by James. He then spoke the Alec.

“Come and see.”

Alec walked over, glancing nervously at James before looking at the book. James realised they were looking at their wedding album.

“I want you both to see this one.” Q pointed at one of the photographs. It had been taken from the alter area of a church. Q was walking up the aisle towards the camera and waiting for him was James in his Navel dress uniform and next to him, in his Army uniform, was Alec. “You were his best man.” Q said softly. “So, by my reckoning, you must have been best friends. When you came into our house Alec, you would have seen the photograph of us together but you must have felt such a connection to James. An affection. There were no group photographs of the wedding on the walls though. They’re all in this album so you wouldn’t have known exactly what you were to him…”

“I knew that I loved him.” Alec said quietly. “When I saw those photos... I thought maybe James and I had an affair before the pandemic. I could see that you two were married but I didn’t want anything to change between the two of us… I was selfish. I’m sorry but I didn’t want to lose you James. I didn’t know how to live without you.”

James had been ready to unleash all of his anger onto Alec but the photograph had diffused most of it. Alec had recovered from the sickness before James. He’d found the photograph of the two of them together as young men. Once they’d started talking, he’d realised that he loved him and he’d made the assumption that they had been together. Their lovemaking had felt familiar to James because he’d shared that intimacy with a man before but it had felt unsatisfying because Alec wasn’t the man he’d been in love with. Alec had been his best man. He’d given James his blessings the day he’d married Q. They’d been more like brothers. He shook his head to try to clear the racing thoughts.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you for what you’ve done.” James said quietly. He saw Alec nod his head at that as if he understood. “But there are so few of us left… I don’t want there to be any bad blood between us. You can be a good man, when all’s said and done so I’ll try. That’s all I can promise you right now. I will try to forgive you.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

“So, what about the rest of us?” Eve asked.

“Oh, you’re all in the album too,” Q said as he went back to the computer, “we made quite the day of it, it would appear. Some of the photos are hilarious. I think you probably mean the personnel records though.” Q had spent the time waiting for everyone to arrive going through his notes, so he was fully prepared. He placed his hand on the palm-reader next to the keyboard.

 _“Welcome, Quartermaster,”_ a metallic voice said from the small speakers built into it, _“please state your credentials.”_

“Alpha-nine-beta-six-foxtrot-two-indigo.” Q intoned. A moment later the main screen sprang into life. Q began to type, using hot keys to access the main directory until he found a subfolder entitled ‘PERSONNEL’.” He glanced over his shoulder at everyone. “Ready? Who’s first?”

“Let’s find out about Billy.” Eve said, squeezing Bill’s hand.

Q opened the file and typed ‘Tanner’ into the search bar. A moment later, Bill’s personnel record was on the screen.

“William Tanner, Chief of Staff reporting to M. Employed at Mi6 in 1997. Married Eve Moneypenny in 2015” Q read. “That’s odd.” He mused.

“What’s odd?” James asked.

“All the other personnel mentioned in the file have their names emboldened the first time they are mentioned, presumably indicating the link that takes you directly to their files but Eve and M are highlighted separately. I thought Eve _was_ M …”

“We all did.” James said. He looked at Eve who looked as surprised as the rest of them.

“So, if I wasn’t M, who was?” She asked.

Q clicked on the link and they collectively made an ‘ohh’ sound of realisation. Everyone, except for Mallory, that was.

“Oh bollocks. Really?” He grumbled.

“So it would seem, _boss_.” Eve grinned.

“I thought I was a soldier.” Mallory said. “Not some sodding pencil-pusher.”

“You were.” Q said, quickly scanning the text. “It says here you’re a former lieutenant colonel in the British Army…” Mallory nodded at that, seemingly pleased.

“So, who was I?” Eve asked.

Q went to her records.

“You were M’s secretary. Well that would explain why his notes ended up being printed out on your desk…”

“A _secretary_?!” Eve exclaimed, sounding scandalised.

“You were previously a field agent,” Q continued, sounding for all the world like he was trying not to laugh at her reaction, “it says here you… oh.”

“Oh?” James queried.

“It says here you were suspended from fieldwork after shooting James in the chest and causing him to fall off the top of a moving train...”

“Oh man. I have so many questions…” Felix drawled from the back of the group.

“Q did wonder where that scar came from. Still, no hard feelings, eh?” James quipped to her.

“It seems that they did offer to reinstate you after an incident where you saved the lives of several members of the British Government but you decided to take the job with Mallory to act as his personal assistant and bodyguard.”

“I like the sound of that. Having a bodyguard.” Mallory said.

“Are you all going to take the piss?” Eve harrumphed. Bill tapped on her shoulder and when she looked at him, he nodded. “Git.” She muttered. “So come on Q, what else do we know?”

Laughing, Q went on to find the next personnel record.

~00Q~

Later that evening, James stayed in the basement with Q, settling down for the night in the tiny cot he’d been using since he arrived at Vauxhall. It was a tight fit but neither of them minded. They’d stripped down to their underwear and each of them enjoyed the feeling of being so closely pressed together. James, being taller, took the pillow and Q curled into him, resting his head on James’s shoulder. It felt natural, like they’d done it a hundred times before and who knew, they probably had. 

There was no natural light in the subterranean room but there was a security light system, running off the solar generators, that cast a soft glow over them. James gazed at Q as he dozed. He wanted to drink in every detail and commit him to memory again. His pale skin framed by his tousled dark hair. His almond-shaped eyes, cute button nose and wide expressive mouth. They’d kissed when they first got into bed but James still couldn’t get enough of it. He softly kissed him again and Q roused, opening his eyes.

“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.” He said quietly.

“No. You’re not sorry at all.” Q whispered back, grinning as he reached up to stroke James’s cheek. “And I don’t mind waking up again. Not when I wake up in your arms. It reminds me that all of this has really happened. I found you.”

“We’re back together. It feels like I've found my home at last.” James said. “Tomorrow I’ll find us a bigger bed. Then I can show you just how happy I am that I found you again. We daren’t do it now though. We’ll end up breaking this damn thing.”

“We could always do it on the floor.” Q suggested, arching an eyebrow. “I brought the lube with me.”

“Did you, by crikey?” James laughed. “Well, what a clever boy I married.”

Q stroked his fingertips across James’s lips.

“We are going to be alright, aren’t we?”

James kissed him again, running his hand down over him and letting it rest on his waist.

“How could we not be?” He asked.


End file.
